Mini Miller ~ New Girl

Pilot

I'm in the hallway of my apartment building with my best friend, Chris. I know my brother said he was doing an interview for a new roommate, but within an hour at the mall we got bored so we came home. We walk in to see Schmidt taking his shirt off while Nick and Coach laugh at him. Then I see some woman sitting on the chair facing them who I can only assume is Jess who they're interviewing.

"What are you doing Schmidt?" Nick then sees me walking in the door with a couple bags in hand, "Ellie, I thought you said you two were gonna be at the mall?"

"We were" I said as me and Chris put our bags on the floor and walking around the couch to sit next him, "But then we got bored so we left and decided to come home."

"What about these?" Schmidt asked looking at Jess, "These look beige to you?" Chris and I look at each other unfazed by him while my brother looks at her and apologizes.

Coach turns to her and says, "I'm his trainer so, uh, it's kind of the house that Coach built right here," slaps Schmidt's nonexistent abs and rubs them weirdly.

"There's nothing there." Chris says confused. "What are we looking at here? That's baby smooth." Nick said agreeing with him. I agree with them both, "Whatever you're talking about is nonexistent."

"This is LLS. Ladies Love Schmidt." Schmidt comments on his own nonexistent abs.

Chris and I look at him with disgust, "Ew! What the hell is the matter with you?!" Nick gives me look for cursing and I roll my eyes at him.

"What?! What did you just say? Go put a dollar in the jar right now." Coach demands pointing at the "Douchebag Jar."

"Are you serious?" Schmidt practically whines.

"Yeah! Now."

"Damnit!"

"LLS, what is wrong with you?" Nick asks.

I feel the need to answer his question, "A lot of things. Ow! Jerk!"

"That's what you get for making fun of me." Schmidt said after he hit me on the head.

That's when I realized that Chris left to go to the bathroom. Jess had gone off into the kitchen area so I decided to put the stuff away that I got at the mall. A few minutes later Chris comes in my room.

"Hey," Chris said.

"Hey, what do you want to do?" I ask as I finish putting away the last of the clothes.

"I was kinda thinking we go back out there. I'm kind of curious to know what is gonna happen."

"Yeah, me too. She reminds me of a bad train wreck I just can't look away from," I chuckle. Chris laughs walking to the door of my room.

"Let's head back out there," he said.

We walk out of my room and into the kitchen when Schmidt asks her how soon she can move in.

Nick and Coach look unhappy by this, "Actually, Schmidt, slow down." "Not happening."

"Okay, um, can you give us a second? I've just gotta.. I gotta talk to my boys and my girl." Schmidt says putting his arm over my shoulders.

" 'My boys' is not a thing here," Nick tells Jess.

I turn and look at Schmidt agreeing with my brother, "Neither is my girl."

"My bros and my girl."

"Okay, Douchebag Jar, right now," Nick says turning around in the chair.

"Come on, you're my bros and my girl."