YOU'RE SO GORGEOUS - new girl

CHAPTER ONE

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PILOT

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WHEN VICTORIA WOKE up today, she didn't think that she would be passing tissues to a woman in a very colorful dress. She was talking (very emotionally) about her situation and why she was applying for a roommate position.

Apparently, Jess (the possible roommate) had come home to surprise Spencer (her ex) and had found him with another woman. Not to mention Jess was naked the whole time.

"So, that happened. That's why I need a new apartment. I'm sorry, what was the question?"

"Do you have any pets?" Nick answered.

The five of them sat there in an awkward silence.

"You know what's funny? When I saw your ad on Craigslist, I thought you were a woman." Jess laughed and looked towards Vic, the only other woman there.

Schmidt immediately got defensive. "What? Why would you think that? That's crazy. I mean, what-"

Vic cut him off, saying, "Yeah, no, that's not my fault, Schmidt wrote the ad."

Jess shrugged while Schmidt's ego deflated. "I guess it was something about the words you used. It was like 'sun-soaked' and 'beigey'."

Schmidt quickly took his shirt off. Nick, Coach and Vic groaned. "What about these?" He gestured to his vampire colored skin. "These look beigey to you?"

Nick apologized to Jess.

"I'm his trainer so, it's kind of the house that Coach built right here." Coach slapped and rubbed Schmidt's torso.

"I am also sorry." Vic cringed at the two.

"What are we looking at here? That's baby smooth." Vic knew at any moment, Schmidt would have to put a dollar in the jar.

"This is LLS. Ladies Love Schmidt."

"What? Really? Dollar. Now." Victoria pointed towards the douchebag jar that sat on the table.

"Are you serious? No!" Schmidt argued.

"Yes, now!"

He reluctantly got up, put a dollar in the jar and walked over to the kitchen. "Damnit."

"LLS, what is wrong with you?" Nick joked.

Jess stood up and started walking over to Schmidt. "This place is beautiful. It gets so much light. Spencer hated light." She got choked up and looked down. "It's hard to say his name."

"It's alright, Nick knows what it's like. He also got dumped." Vic explained.

Nick snickered. "Dumped. Yeah, I got dumped."

Victoria remembered. Caroline (Nick's ex) and Nick were sitting at their table. Nick was screaming, "I can't hear you, that means we're not breaking up yet! We can't break up if I can't hear you! No! La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la!"

"Yeah, I got dumped. She dumped me. And I'm over it ." Vic gave him a look. "I am! It was six months ago, guys. Get past it. I don't even know why we're still talking about it. Why's everyone looking at me?" Nick put his head in his hands.

Coach, Nick and Vic walked over to where Jess and Schmidt were. "You know what, I want to live here."

"Actually, I still have some questions." Nick said. "I mean, like, no offense but we barely know ya." Coach and Vic nodded in agreement.