Little More Love || Completed

Chapter 42 : I had myself

❁A father's tears and fears are unseen, his love is unexpressed, but his care and protection remains as pillar of strength throughout our lives.❁

Hans' POV -

Sitting on the grass, Noriana and I watch as the sun slowly drowns into the clouds and paints the sky pink and orange. I love the way the sunrays reflects on her bare face, colouring it golden.

It's probably the afterglow of crying that her face seems so flawless, yet her eyes feel empty.

" I never thought that, that one decision of mine would impact in such a destructive way. I'm very sorry about Richard and Ruby. And also, for everything Mr. Williamson did to you and your family. "

Why is she apologizing? Any woman would have done the same. Speaking of apologizing, I should be the one asking for her forgiveness. " I'm sorry too. "

" For Mr. Williamson? I don't deserve your sympathy. " she sighs, no emotion on her face at all. She has cried so much that even her eyes have no tears left.

" No. I still hate him very much. " I assert and a little snigger appears on her face. " I'm sorry for everything you had to go through, alone. The brain tumor. The abortion. I should've been there with you. "

" Who said I was alone? " she snaps.

" What? "

" I had myself. " she tells. A glint of pride sparkles in her eye. " I was enough for myself to survive. "

And at this moment, I know that I love her. And this time it's not just a habit or infatuation or attraction. This time it is love. Real and pure. I'm willing to give up all that I have and will ever have to see that smile of hers.

Of course, she had herself. I sometimes envy of how brave this woman is. We both were going through the worst phases of our lives. But I was in my country, I had my friends, Rebecca, who supported me.

While she, she was alone in a stranger country, among stranger people.

" And then I found Josie. She was a first year resident that time. She really helped me with everything. The abortion, finding a shelter for myself. The affinity I had searched among my people, I found it in a stranger. "

I feel so disgusted and disappointed from myself. When I turned my back on Noriana, Josie Taylor helped her, like an angel in disguise. And I used that same angel as a bait in order to make her life miserable. " I am also sorry for blackmailing you. Now I understand why you called me with that name. "

" Male bitch? "

" Yeah, but you don't have to repeat that. " I look away in embarassment. But when I hear a giggle from her hear direction, my lips involuntarily move upwards.

" You must hate me a lot, don't you? Ah I don't blame you, I haven't been the kindest person to you. " my guilt speaks. I can't even evaluate how guilty I feel. Probably, I don't even deserve to sit beside her.

" I did, actually. Specially after that night, when Rebecca drugged you and everything that you said. I can still hear each word of yours quite clearly, as we speak. ‌I hated you with all my guts, so much that i thought of you in each second of my life for making it miserable. And in every damn second I realised how much I loved you."

Oh lord, I wish I could squeeze her into a hug.

" Fair enough. What about now? "

" I don't know. " she takes a pause as though she's about to say something she has been thinking from a long time, " Hans, let's just be honest here. I understand you never intentionally lied to me. My own father was the one who proposed that deal. But I can never get over the fact that- that the relationship we had, you were forced into it- "