Do not read this book, you'll die of laughter

Funny Story #81

At this point it's gonna turn into a 'Funny Stories' Book xD

Excerpt taken from Reddit by Corvus333, 2012, "Funniest Go-To Stories"

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When I was younger, my mother was driving my brother and I down to North Carolina to visit some relatives. It was the middle of the summer and scalding hot outside, and of course the car was acting up and the AC wasn't working properly.

After a couple hours of driving through NC with only the windows to cool us off, steam or smoke or something start coming out from under the hood, so my mom pulls off the highway and parks in front of what looks like an abandoned motorcycle repair shop. She gets out of the car and starts trying to fix it, and this large bearded man comes out of the apparently not abandoned store and starts talking to her. My brother and I listen and figure out that this guy works at the repair store and can easily fix our car and will do so for free.

While he's doing so, he starts talking about the extremely liberal bumper stickers that my mother has on the car. He sees the "Obama 2008" sticker and starts talking about how if Obama won, he was "gonna move to Canada, not because he's black, I'm not racist, but because he's a Muslim." At this point my brother and I are getting weirded out by this guy, but my mom puts on a polite face and nods her head cause he's fixing our car for free. He then notices the "Bush-Orwell" sticker and thinks it is serious and that Bush really ran with someone named Orwell. After about 20 minutes of his bizarre conspiracy theories, he starts talking about how his wife was trying to open up a little ice cream place in the back of the repair shop.

NOW, at this point my brother and I have decided that this guy is obviously a crazed serial killer who is trying to lure us into the back of this shop so he can horribly murder us. Because who the fuck has an ice cream shop in the back of an auto repair shop?! He asks my mom if she wants to buy some ice cream, and my brother and I are furiously shaking our heads "NOOOOOO!!! NO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, NOOOO!!" at her from inside the car, but her Southern politeness takes over and she says yes, since he fixed the car for free.

So we follow this guy back into the recesses of the repair shop... past all the rusty tools and hanging hooks...

The ice cream was actually really good.