The Punishment Diaries

A Note on Safewords

"In a way, safewords make me feel like I have all the control. I think it's really important that I did have that power as we were still learning our dynamic and building trust. But now, I want to give it to you. I don't want to feel like I can get out of punishments whenever I want or turn down the intensity with 'yellow'."

I want to emphasize the importance of safewords and give a brief overview of traffic light safewords for those who may not be familiar. These safewords are very common in BDSM spaces, and are what we used for years as we built our dynamic.

• Green - You're good. You enjoy whatever is happening, and it's within your limits and boundaries.

• Yellow - You're unsure if you like this. You want to continue, but cautiously and slowly. You may also be approaching a hard limit and you're using 'Yellow' as a warning.

• Red - Immediate hard stop.

If you want to learn more about safewords or safesigns, you can use the QR code at the beginning of this book for more detailed information. [QR code is in the Amazon/paperback/hardcover of this book. You can read all essays for free in The Brat Diaries on Wattpad.]

The quote at the beginning of this essay is a direct quote from a conversation I had with Wrex regarding our safewords. I never called red to get out of a punishment, but I always felt like I could if I wanted to. And I had a habit of calling yellow when the punishment reached a boiling point.

So, I asked Wrex if we could remove safewords from our punishments.

He said no.

But, we compromised.

We stopped using the traffic light system during punishments. Instead, I had one safeword that was to be used in emergencies only. Medical or mental.

I trust Wrex to monitor my well-being during punishments, and he trusts his deep understanding of me and my body enough to no longer needs verbal confirmation in the form of green, yellow, and red. But even so, he wanted me to have a failsafe.

So far, I haven't had to use it. But if I do use it, Wrex will stop the punishment immediately and we will move into our negotiated aftercare or medical attention, if necessary.

But it won't get me out of the punishment entirely. Once I'm able to explain why I used the safeword, he will determine if the punishment continues later or if another form of discipline will be substituted.

The only reason we could modify our dynamic like this is because we've used safewords for so long, and because I was honest and transparent about my limits. Wrex learned my limits from safewords and our frequent communication.

You won't see safewords used in this book-not because I don't have one, but because I have never had to use it with Wrex since we removed traffic lights from the domestic discipline aspect of our dynamic.

The last thing either of us want is to influence someone not to use safewords. That power should never be taken away from someone.

In our case, I gave that power to Wrex with trust, risk-awareness, and enthusiasm.