How would you feel? (Harry Styles) || COMPLETED

39. A Little Too Much

May 14th 2015, London

Even if both Harry and I didn't like talking much when it came to these situations, I decided to be the mature one and spent the night trying to reach him. However, he didn't want to be as mature and was nowhere to be found. I knew he had all the reasons to be mad at me but avoiding me was making things even harder between us. As I was walking to my meeting, I tried to call him once more but the call went straight to voicemail, making me feel utterly disappointed. 

I arrived at Syco and was not -so-welcomed by a fuming Katherine and a tired Patrick. Seeing them like that made me feel sorry for my behavior. At the same time, I wished they'd understand I was still trying to find a way to get the best of both worlds. 

"You" she exclaimed as soon as the door was closed behind us "are making my job really hard for me" she raised her voice, "you have to do what we tell you to" she paused but I didn't dare to answer, "did you really think it was a good idea to disappear at the same time Harry did and then go to a public concert with your ex-boyfriend? I don't even know how to warrant your actions" she sighed as I turned to Patrick

"I'm sorry Jade, I don't know what to say... I warned you" he said

"You're talking to me as if I was a kid" I complained, "I know it does look bad but..."

"There are no buts!" Kath interrupted me, "people were already saying you were using One Direction and now they see this as a proof of that"

"What can I do to fix this?" I sighed exhaustedly 

"You were supposed to stay out of the spotlight until the Billboard Awards, damn it!" Pat raised his voice 

"I haven't done that now, have I? so let's cut the pep talk and tell me what I have to do already" I raised my voice too

"You definitely can't talk to us like this" Kath replied, "we don't have a plan yet, that's why you're here" she said as I heard my phone ringing, "don't you dare even checking your phone, we need to think this through" she finished and, since she was already pretty pissed, I did as I was told. 

"You made it very clear that you disagree with these kinds of things but we've been thinking about it and we think that a stunt would be the right thing to do" Pat looked down 

"I won't" I firmly said, "you know how I feel about using people to gain fame and I simply won't"

"Then tell us your ideas" Kath exhaustedly said

"Why can't we let people forget about this like we've done all the other times?" I asked 

"Because if people start believing that you've become famous because of the boys, your career will be forever affected by it" Pat explained 

"We need to make them understand that you're not using them" Kath said, "so we need you to whether confirm your relationship with Harry, if it's real or if you've suddenly changed your mind about stunts, or to somehow prove them wrong" she finished as I frustratedly groaned

"Look, take a day off and think about it" Pat patted on my shoulder, "let us know what you've decided by the end of the day... and remember that tomorrow morning you're flying back to LA and this time we're coming with you" 

"Please try to stay out of the spotlight until we're sure about what we're gonna do..." Kath sighed, "it's really important" she said, I nodded, we said goodbye and I took a taxi to go lock myself up in my flat. The journey home was definitely confusing. I had a lot of things going through my mind. I couldn't seem to understand why strangers cared so much about me going out with boys and I didn't get why I couldn't be myself and, instead, my management team was trying to tell me who I was or what I had to do... I was starting to understand why people used to warn me about fame before I signed for my career. Either way, I didn't know what was right, nor what was wrong.