Searching- A saga ✔

90- Death

I have a small wish, Narayan.

Tears limn my dark, kohl lined eyes.
That haven't yet tasted,
The dark fantasies of Death.

My face pales at the thought of leaving,
This form, inorder to be moulded,
Into someone else in another age.

What if I forget You?
What if I don't love You?
In that other body woven by Maya. 

I have a small wish, Narayan.

Perhaps I am scared of death, Kanha.
Very scared. Of the darkness and dreariness.
Of the cold pallid features.

Of unabsorbed water over bloodless skin
The burning of fire, gone unfelt.
The sound of wood crackling, unheard.

I am scared, of the quietness of graves.
Of the spirits left behind, unfulfilled.
Hearts broken and bones charred.

I have a small wish, Narayan.

No. I want death.
But in Your arms, Sri Hari.
My last breath, mixed with Yours.
My last word, Your name.
My last touch, Your embrace.
Yes. I want death.
But only in Your arms.

I have a small wish, Narayan.

Yes. I don't want liberation.
But just Your eyes, to be the last thing I see.
Your lips, the last thing I taste.
Your name, the last sound I hear.
And then, I'll die, as happy as ever.
In the warmth of Your arms.

I have a small wish, Narayan.

But no. Not as a villain.
Not like Putana, nor Raavan.
For the sake of death at Your hand.
Not with hatred.
But only love. 
And love alone.
For You in my life throughout.
Yet I wish for a death.
At Your hand.

I have a small wish, Narayan.

So that I am not scared of Death.
When I am lost in You,
Perhaps even the fear becomes pride.
And pain becomes Bliss Supreme.
And I'll engrave the last scene in my soul.
So that I'll find You in my next birth,
And recognise the love of my eternity.

I have a small wish, Narayan.

Don't make the above wishes come true.
I am not yet that cruel, Sri Hari.
Because, I can even bear the pain of Your absence.
The pain of a death in a place,
That is not Your arms.
But not the pain in Your eyes,
When I die in Your embrace.
No. I am not that heartless, not yet.
I know You are God.
But I am human.
And I can only think from a human mind.

I have a small wish, Narayan.
It's not my wish at all.
It's Yours.