Becoming Better

Chapter 23 - Anything Else

After she got off the phone with Wyatt, Charlie decided she needed some advice. She sat on Courtney's bed, messing with the fringe on one of her blankets. She hadn't been telling her much about what was going on. Probably because she didn't want to hear the kind of truth she knew Courtney would tell her.

"My problems with addiction and alcoholism started with just drinking at parties, you know," Courtney said, after Charlie finished telling her about recent events.

"It's not like I drink every day though," Charlie tried to protest. "Just the weekends."

Courtney shook her head. "It doesn't matter. Alcoholism is a progressive disease. Even if it starts small, things just get worse, never better. Eventually it won't just be on the weekends. And eventually it might not just be alcohol. Like what I did, for example."

Charlie thought back on Courtney's history with drugs. She sighed, "It's just frustrating though, because everyone else drinks."

"Like I told you before, alcoholism runs in our family," Courtney explained. "And think about it, do your friends ever drink as much as you do?"

Charlie knew that they didn't. "No."

"I'm not saying you have to go to AA right now Charlie, I'm just saying prepare for the fact that you might have to, someday."

Charlie knew she was right deep down. When she was drunk it was almost like she was far away, watching herself make bad decisions. And the worst part was she kept doing it, despite knowing that.

She threw her arms around Courtney, so grateful that she still lived at home. She couldn't picture having this conversation with her mom or her dad. Courtney never judged her, but she knew when it was time for tough love. Sometimes she was more of a mom to Charlie than their actual mother.

"Thanks Court," she said, letting go of her.

"No problem," Courtney said. "And I'm glad it sounds like you're getting over Cassius. How do you feel about everything with Wyatt and Shawn?"

"I feel bad," Charlie answered honestly. "Wyatt's like, my best friend. And I have known this whole time that he has feelings for me. Things would have been much less complicated if I had just gotten together with him. Everyone thought I should date him. But then I met Shawn..."

Courtney gave her a knowing look. "Just do whatever is best for you, Charlie. It's your life."

That night Charlie drove to see Shawn again at his friend's brother's house. She wasn't ready for him to come to her house and meet her family just yet. Her parents were still asking her why she broke up with Cassius, and it had been almost 6 months.

She arrived and Shawn came out to meet her. When she got out of her car and closed the door, he grabbed her hips and pushed her back up against it, holding her there.

"I've been waiting for this all week," he murmured, capturing her lips in a slow kiss. Warmth flooded her body.

Eventually they went inside the house. All of Shawn's friends were happy to see her. She didn't exactly remember everyone's names, or faces to be honest, but she greeted them as enthusiastically as they greeted her.

"Here, have a drink," Shawn said, pouring her a cup of something that smelled like it would burn her throat going down. She knew he had been drinking already, she tasted it on him when they kissed.

Charlie took the cup and stared at it. She wanted to drink it, really badly. A little voice in her head told her she could handle it, if she just drank one. But a louder voice interrupted, asking since when did she ever want just one?

She took a deep breath and handed it to Shawn. "Not tonight," she said.

He took the cup back, totally unfazed. "Not a problem, beautiful."

Charlie was relieved. For a second she was worried he would give her a hard time.

As the night continued and everyone around her drank, Charlie began to notice certain things. She had a knot in her stomach that wouldn't go away. If she had been drinking, she would have just washed it down, but her conversation with Courtney was still fresh in her mind.

As much as she hated to admit it, there was no way hanging out with these people and dating Shawn was going to help solve her drinking problem. In fact, it would probably get much, much worse. The path she saw in front of her was dark. Shawn was gorgeous, sweet and understanding, but there was something about watching him drink that rang alarm bells in her head.

"Hey Shawn, I think I'm gonna head out," she said, standing up.

"Aww no, you're leaving?" he asked. He wasn't completely wasted, but he was getting there.

Charlie took a deep breath. "Yep."

"Ok let me walk you out."

As he walked her to her car, the knot in her stomach got worse. She turned to him. "Shawn, I can't see you anymore," she said. It may have seemed abrupt, but the sentence had been kicking around in her head for the last hour.

He blinked. "What? Why not?"

"I think I may have a problem... with drinking. And I think it's possible that you do too," she told him.

Shawn looked surprised. "Charlie. We don't have to drink. We can do something else. Anything else."

That didn't reassure her at all. She really didn't want to break things off, but she recognized something in him that she had seen in Courtney before she got sober, as well as something she had just begun to see in herself.

"I watched you in there with your friends... and I think that might be easier said than done. I'm not trying to sound judgmental because god knows, I don't have the right. But right now, I don't think we should be together."

"What?" Shawn asked, still confused. He was drunk after all. "Charlie, I want us to be together. I'll do whatever it takes."

This was hard. Really hard. "I like you Shawn, so much. But I can't."

She got in her car and he watched her drive away.

**So sad! But don't worry. Shawn will be back. Do you think Charlie's doing the right thing?