BEAUTIFUL

001

according to the dictionary, rehabilitation is defined as the action of restoring someone to health or normal life.

hoseok found this to be completely, utterly, stupid.

because there was nothing going on with him that was not normal, at least for him. no, over the course of the past two years he'd grown quite accustomed to making excuses, skipping meals on the regular, faking smiles, and absolutely detesting the person he saw in the mirror.

however it had come to his attention that his parents did not feel this was normal behaviour. which was why hoseok found himself trudging up the walkway, cold hands in his jacket pockets, towards the flat, plain grey building that a large sign placed beneath a tree identified as the 'seoul youth rehabilitation and wellness centre'.

he didn't want to be here, if that wasn't already obvious. he didn't want help; there was nothing to correct in his eyes. hoseok, although constantly exhausted and weak, was content living his days as he did. after all, he just wanted to be beautiful.

✧

since it was almost lunchtime when he was finally checked in, hoseok was instructed to drop off his belongings in his new room and go to the cafeteria for lunch.

of course, hoseok had no intentions on having lunch. but he simply kept his mouth shut, following the nurse with ridiculously broad shoulders to his assigned room, that he was informed he would be sharing with someone once a new patient arrived. but for the moment, hoseok was alone.

the nurse–jin, his i.d. tag read–watched from the doorway as hoseok dropped his bag onto his plain bed, turning back to jin with a tired expression. the elder led the way to the cafeteria, unable to stop checking over his shoulder to see if the brunette was still following him.

"just grab a tray and get whatever you want. and go make some friends, everyone here is really nice." jin encouraged hoseok, his black hair flopping over his eyes as he grinned.

once the friendly nurse left, hoseok begrudgingly shuffled into the small lineup. as he waited, his eyes passed over the room; there was not an overly large amount of patients, as far as he could tell. that made hoseok happy, because he didn't like crowds. his anxiety was bad for that.

grabbing a tray, hoseok stepped forward and wrapped his hand around a water bottle. water was calorie-free, so he was safe. hoseok's eyes passed over the selection for food. none of it seemed too appealing, but his stomach grumbled. the last time he'd eaten was two days ago, but he'd purged right after.

in front of him there was a small plastic container of strawberries. 1 cup of strawberries equaled 50 calories, hoseok calculated from memory. could he stomach that? he'd purge later, but he had to get rid of the clawing emptiness in his stomach first. he set the container on his tray.

turning away from the line, hoseok searched for an empty table. but, to his luck, he found that the only available seats were at occupied tables. he really would have to make friends, like jin has suggested. standing to the side for a minute, hoseok carefully considered which table to approach.

he ended up walking towards the table of three boys who looked to be all younger than him, two of them smiling and laughing while one just sat and ate quietly.

"hi," he began, and immediately cleared his throat. "can... can i sit here?"

the smaller of the two laughing boys looked up. "are you new?" hoseok nodded. a bright eye smile appeared on the boy's face. "cool! i'm jimin! and yes, you can sit with us. move your fat ass, tae."

the other laughing boy, tae, flipped jimin off while scooting to the side to let hoseok sit. "so what's your name?"

"hoseok. jung hoseok."

the younger giggled. "and i'm bond, james bond. kidding. the names kim taehyung."

hoseok managed a small smile. it wasn't fake, like most of his smiles nowadays were, but it wasn't wide and bright like they used to be.

"and he doesn't talk much, so i'll just introduce for him. that's jeon jeongguk," jimin spoke, smiling at the quiet boy who looked up upon mention of his name. he quickly waved at hoseok and went back to playing on his phone.

"so what's your deal, hoseok?" jimin asked, chewing on a potato chip purposefully, his eyes trained on the eldest male.

"m-my deal?"

"jimin, that's rude. i thought jin told you to stop asking people that," taehyung smacked jimin's hand that was laying flat on the table.

"yah! and that's jimin hyung, for your information."

taehyung scoffed. "two months, shorty."

"yeah! two months older than you!" jimin retorted.

hoseok watched the two, who were obviously close, bicker like an old married couple. he took small sips of his water, letting his eyes land upon jeongguk, who was focused on the game he was playing.

suddenly jeongguk looked up, eyes locking with hoseok's, who started at the sudden eye contact. the younger's eyes briefly flicked down to hoseok's neglected strawberries, staring at him knowingly. "you not eating?"

"i'm ah, not that hungry." hoseok scratched the back of his neck.

jeongguk nodded. "me neither."

hoseok searched the boy's eyes for the meaning behind his words, something in his head telling him there was one. was jeongguk like him? or was he simply not hungry, like he'd said, and the glint in his eyes was nothing out of the ordinary?

hoseok let out a sigh, glancing around the cafeteria once again. his eyes stopped on a boy, sitting at a table against the wall with only one other person, who surprisingly enough looked like a doctor. the boy had light blonde hair that was obviously bleached, a stark contrast to his milky pale skin that showed underneath his grey hoodie with the sleeves pushed up to his elbows. his back was leaning against the wall and his front was facing hoseok, so he could see him well enough.

"who's that boy over there, with the sad eyes?" hoseok found his mouth moving before he could stop it. "the one sitting with the doctor."

taehyung looked up at him, following his gaze. "oh, him? that's yoongi. don't bother with him, he's not worth the time."

hoseok cocked his head to the side, looking at taehyung curiously. "what do you mean by that? of course everyone's worth the time."

his jaw clenching, jimin flicked his eyes to the blonde in the corner before looking back to hoseok. "just don't waste your time on him. you'll only get hurt."

hoseok couldn't help but detect a bit of pain and bitterness in jimin's words, but didn't want to press the issue when he was making friends.

for the rest of lunch, hoseok tried his best to subtly stare at the blonde boy across the room. when a bell rang, jimin informed hoseok it was time to go to group therapy. hoseok stood and followed his new friends out, throwing out his untouched strawberries as he sent the blonde a last glance.