BEAUTIFUL

006

it was monday morning, which meant hoseok had another session with namjoon. after getting his meds he shuffled to the psychiatrist's office, not really wanting to be awake at that moment in time. it was far too early to talk about anything serious, in hoseok's opinion.

he knocked lightly on the door before he heard a, "come in" and poked his head in the door. namjoon was typing at his computer, but looked up to send hoseok a warm smile. the doctor beckoned with his hand for hoseok to enter the office, which the brunette obeyed and quietly took a seat on the chair in front of namjoon's desk.

"so, hoseok," namjoon closed the lid of his sleek laptop before pushing it back and relaxing in his chair, smiling gently at the male across from him. "how have you been since the last time we talked?and be honest," namjoon sent hoseok a knowing look.

hoseok breathed deeply. "i um, i've been pretty okay? i had a banana today at breakfast."

"and before that banana, when was the last time you ate?"

hoseok was quiet for a moment. "i think saturday i had some strawberries."

namjoon exhaled, rubbing his palms over his face. "hoseok, i want you to listen to me. you're here so we can help you. you're causing harm to your body and health, and i'm worried about you." hoseok didn't say anything, and so the psychiatrist continued. "eating once every couple days is not going to cut it. do i need to get the nutritionist to supervise you and make sure you eat every meal?"

hoseok visibly paled, and namjoon sighed again. "i don't wanna be the bad guy, hoseok. all of us here want you to be happy and healthy. you see that, right?"

hoseok nodded.

"i want you to promise me you'll try to eat more? we can start slow, alright? maybe one good meal a day? does that sound doable to you?"

namjoon was asking a lot of questions hoseok didn't want to answer. but he found himself numbly nodding, and he pushed back the voice in his head saying a meal a day will make you as fat as a blob.

"okay, hoseok. just like last week, i'm gonna have you step on the scale right there. i have to do it so we can track your progress. ready?"

hoseok stood, stiffly walking over to the white scale underneath the poster. namjoon stood beside him, glancing up at him every few seconds.

you did not wake up to be mediocre, hoseok read again as he stepped on. he heard the scratch of the pencil on the clipboard as namjoon recorded the number. he stepped off, awkwardly fiddling with the sleeves of his sweater. "can i go now?"

namjoon sends him a small smile, "remember our agreement, okay? i wanna hear better results next week."

✧

it was the end of lunch hour, and jeongguk had disappeared about fifteen minutes ago with taehyung, the two giggling mysteriously to themselves as they got up from the table. hoseok had noticed how jimin's mood seemed to drop after taehyung left, but didn't comment on it as the last thing he wanted to do was accidentally send jimin into an episode.

he'd learned from jin–as it turned out the nurse really liked to gossip–that jimin had episodes often because he rarely took his medication. taehyung was usually the one who made jimin take the pills, otherwise jin said the small male didn't take them.

after about five minutes of jimin and hoseok just sitting at the table, jimin suddenly got up and stormed out of the cafeteria, worrying hoseok. he wondered briefly if he should go after his shorter friend, but he reminded himself that while he's been able to calm down taehyung, he had no knowledge of borderline personality disorder and would be virtually useless to jimin.

finally, hoseok got up from the table. he'd forced himself to eat a yogurt cup, namjoon's words echoing in his ears.

he was just about to push open the door and head back to his room when suddenly a hand tapped his shoulder. hoseok stopped and turned to see namjoon standing there, a worried look on his usual cheery face.

"what's up, dr. kim?" hoseok asked.

"hoseok, um, have you seen yoongi?" namjoon asked nervously, scratching the back of his neck.

hoseok furrowed his brows. "not since this morning at the meds office... why?"

namjoon bit his lip, "nobody can find him. i'm worried he's going to try to harm himself again."

hoseok's heart lurched. he hadnt thought much of it this morning when he noticed how out of it yoongi looked, just brushing it off as a bad mood. but now hearing that the elder was missing, hoseok couldn't help but feel like yoongi was in danger.

he turned away from the doctor, pushing the doors open and exiting the cafeteria. "yoongi!" hoseok cried out, his feet carrying him down the hall faster than he'd ever run in his life. he turned countless corners and raced down the many halls of the rehab center, lost in a maze where yoongi was the only exit.

he'd entered a part of the building he'd never explored before; it was dimly lit and nobody was anywhere to be seen. various abandoned carts sat to the side of the halls, giving the whole area a creepy horror movie hospital vibe. hoseok shivered.

"yoongi?" he called out, now slowing his pace to walk around, taking care to look closely.

hoseok's heart was beating at an irregular pace; it sounded so loud he thought anybody else would be able to hear it and it beat so strongly he felt it would jump out of his chest.

"hyung? yoongi, where are you? it's hoseok, please, don't hurt yourself," he called into the emptiness, praying yoongi would hear him.

however it wasn't yoongi that heard hoseok, it was the other way around. just as hoseok was passing a door he swore he heard muffled crying. his stomach did loops as he walked back to the door, taking a deep breath before grasping the handle. he went to open it but the door wouldn't budge; it was locked.

hoseok grunted as he tried a couple times to pull the door open before he heard a quiet voice ask, "h-hoseok? is that you?"

yoongi. "y-yes! hyung, it's me, please please open the door!" hoseok exclaimed, hands still jiggling the doorhandle. after a moment he heard a 'click' and the handle suddenly turned. hoseok pulled the door open, the dim light from the hallway shining into the small supply closet the blonde had managed to squeeze himself into.

slowly, hoseok knelt down on the dirty floor beside yoongi, shaky hands reaching out for the elder, who surprisingly enough fell right into hoseok's embrace. yoongi buried his head in the younger's shoulder, tears soaking hoseok's white tee. his hands clutched the fabric tightly, as sobs wracked through his body.

"yoongi hyung..." hoseok whispered, one hand reaching to gently stroke the soft blonde hair atop the elders head while the other wrapped securely around yoongi's waist.

it was a long time until yoongi spoke, and until then hoseok just held the crying boy and tried his best to soothe him. he pressed gentle kisses to yoongi's temples, the top of his head, his pale, shaky hands.

"hoseok, don't... please
don't ever leave me," yoongi murmured, his voice scratchy and cracking from all the crying.

hoseok's heart broke just to see the other so upset, and even though the two hardly knew anything about each other, all hoseok wanted to do was stay by yoongi's side.

"i won't, hyung. i promise."

he just hoped yoongi felt the same.