Somewhat romantic (mikasa x genderneutral reader chatfic)

Epilogue

Sometimes I wonder if you still look at the night sky and think about me, because I do so. I hope the sky is beautiful where you are right now, I hope it's as beautiful as I remember you, I hope it's as beautiful as you remember me. If you remember me.

I wonder if I would have done stuff in a different way, if we would be watching the night sky together, just the two of us. It's beautiful isn't it? I watch it every night. It reminds me of you're eyes, they were so bright, so clear, but at the same time were there many things that I wasn't able to understand. I am sorry for what happened, I just wish I could talk to you for once again, for one time. But that isn't possible, is it? I hope you're doing okay, I hope you're happy, wherever you are right now. I believe that you are better off without me. I can't say the same about myself, I had warned myself, other people had warned me, they had warned you as well. I had gotten addicted; to your touch, to your voice, to your kindness, to your smile, your eyes, your dark hair, your soft lips, the feeling of your cold skin under my finger tips, how you cared in that one way no one else did it, I had gotten addicted to you. And I still am, Even after you left.

You were my first love, or at least that's how I remember. I don't remember how I was before I met you, how my life was. I should probably ask our friends, but I haven't seen them in years, like I haven't seen you since.

I believe this all happened for a reason, but I wonder what the reason was. Maybe we just didn't match as well as we thought we did. Or at least that's what I like to tell myself.

I know I hurt you, I really did, I am sorry, for everything that happened. I hope you know that it wasn't your fault, you tried your best to fill the loneliness in my heart, but as you said back then: it will never be possible. And you had to learn it on the hard way, but don't blame yourself, remember, it was not your fault, it was all my fault. Please don't blame yourself, can you do that for me? Can you love yourself as much as I love you? Can you do that for me? It's the only thing I am asking you to do for me. The last thing I am asking you to do for me.

I adored you, I really did, but I was jealous as well. I don't remember what exactly I was jealous of you. But I belive it was the way you cared for me and others. I knew I wasn't able to do that, I wasn't able to give you the love you gave me, I was a horrible person, I still am. I wonder how you weren't able to see that. Maybe if you did, we would be happier now. Well, I would be happier now, it's selfish I know, but I always had been selfish, I just didn't realize it and you didn't as well. Or did you? Maybe you did, you were just good at ignoring it, but then, I must have seen it as well, we must be really good at lying to ourselves. But doesn't that make both of us selfish? Was it selfish of you to leave me behind in the darkness or was it selfish of me to try to keep you in the darkness, my darkness.

It ripped a hole into me as you left, left everything behind. But I know, that I had ripped a hole into you as well as you were staying. I hope something is able to fill that hole, there must be something. Tell me about it. I would love to hear it, to hear you talk about something you are so passionate about. Is this something poetry? I remember how much you loved poetry, Ironic isn't it? I am the one who is poetic right now. But maybe you still are. I still read the poems you wrote for me and when I do so, I wonder if that was true what you wrote about me, I tell myself that it was and maybe, some little part in me, is hoping that it still is. And then again, I remember that you probably forgot about me.

Are you still looking at the paintings I painted for you, do they still hang above your bed, wherever it stands. Are they still the last thing you see at night and the first thing you see in the morning. Or did you burn them, with everything else you had gotten from me. So you know, I still have that pen you gave me, it stopped working a while ago, but I always forget to throw it away, but in the end it doesn't matter because you will never receive this silly letter.

I wonder if you could call it a love letter or an apology letter, how would you call it? Tell me Mikasa, are you truly happy? I wonder how this feel like, but I hope you are, even if I am not able to understand that.

- y/n l/n, I hope you can forget me, I will stop texting you.

——

Mikasa Ackerman

I am sorry -
seen December 3 09:23 p.m

I am not asking you to forgive me -
seen  February 23 06:57 a.m

I am asking you to forget me -
seen February 25 11:00 a.m

It's the only thing I will ever ask you
for -
seen March 11 08:03 p.m

The sky is beautiful we're I am -
seen November 1 12:05 p.m

I wonder if it's as beautiful, where
you are -
seen December 24 04:06 a.m

Don't stay up for too late! -
It's not healthy -
seen December 25 07:31 p.m

I am sorry -
seen December 31 10:49 p.m

I will stop texting you -
I am sorry  -
I had been toxic -
I was sad -
I still am, but that doesn't matter -
I miss you, but that dosen't
matter as well -
I am sorry for hurting you -
I hope you're doing okay -
seen January 1 01:00 a.m

- its fine y/n
- I miss you too
Not delivered