In Finding My Honor

Author's Notes

"His Christian name comes from a constellation - the dragon - and yet his wand core is of unicorn. This was symbolic. There is, after all - and at the risk of re-kindling unhealthy fantasies - some unextinguished good at the heart of Draco." (pottermore.com)

These final words of Draco's description on Pottermore heavily influenced this fanfiction, and notably the character of Draco Malfoy that I wanted to portray. Do I think such emotional connection shown in this story could have happened to Draco Malfoy in the original, canon series? No—or at least definitely not during the student years at Hogwarts. However, love is a strong theme throughout the franchise. Dumbledore tells Voldemort that he cannot be the strongest wizard because he does not know love. It is Lily Potter's love for her son that protects him against Dark Magic. In fact, a great majority of Harry's actions are motivated by his love for others. This is something I found very interesting, and that led me to question how Draco Malfoy would react and develop if he had been given the chance to experience love and compassion (these being things that he quite honestly never grew up with and most likely never felt into much later in his life). I also wanted to play on the point most fans and Draco Mafloy enthusiasts bring up when saying Draco was performing evil deeds without a choice (he came from a controlling family, being introduced and raised around superstitious and elitist views, with a legitimate Dark Lord threatening his family); I was careful to title the last chapter "The Boy Who Was Given All the Wrong Choices" as opposed to "The Boy Who Made All the Wrong Choices", however I did not want to name it "The Boy Who Had No Choice", because as much as I support that idea, Draco isn't an angel.

It was very important to me that Violet Ward did not become an 'it girl', or fall into the 'Mary Sue' trope. I intentionally made sure that Violet never made it into the "Golden Trio" (something she admits to wanting on several occasions), really only getting close to Harry, and solely getting friendly with Ron and Hermione thanks to mutual friends (Ginny and Harry). My reasoning was that this story is the telling through her eyes on the events of The Half Blood Prince, and in this world (and our own) not everyone is Harry Potter—not everyone is the hero. This is something that the character struggles with; her intentions are good in the sense she wants to help and solve a problem, but she easily forgets that others are there to help her and that she can't do it alone.

There are heavy parallels between Violet and Draco, than what first meets the eye. Anger is a prominent emotion in both characters; the both of them have impulsive moments and tenancies. This being said, I found it interesting to compare how this type of tempestuous personality develops in a person depending on their environment. Violet has a loving and supportive family, who stays in contact with her while she's at boarding school and invites her home for Holidays. She is surrounded by a kind-hearted group of friends (Ginny, Alyssa, Emma, and to some extent eventually Harry, Nymphadil, Ron, Hermione, and the rest of the Weasley family) each of them offering comfort and friendship in their own unique ways. While on the other hand, Draco was never nourished in such a manner and lacked a strong supportive system, and thus this led him to become a bully. It is only until he catches feelings for Violet that he begins to learn how to aim his emotions. The title on the story, In Finding My Honor, is up to many interpretations. It works as though "This happened in finding my honor" or "In finding my honor this happened", thus enclosing the events of the story. You could say Violet's search for her honor circles around helping Harry and contributing as a hero. For Draco it's more complicated. It starts off with him trying to prove his honor to his father and to Voldemort by becoming a Death Eater, but later in the story switches to try to prove himself to Violet.

Additionally it's nice to note the importance of name calling throughout the story. Violet referred to people by either their full name or last name until she got close to them. This is seen through the mixture of "Harry" and "Potter" at the beginning and then the transition to solely "Harry" at the end. This is especially present in the Violet-Draco relationship, with a division in the book between the first and second term where Violet would only refer to him as Malfoy and then transitioned to using Draco (even after she is led to believe the boy never actually liked her, she continues to use Draco—showing the effect the relationship had on her).

I knew since the third chapter that I wanted Violet to die at the end of the story. It's Violet's death that makes Draco stop and really reconsider every single one of his actions. And yes—to all of those wondering—Violet dies still believing everything she had with Draco was fake. Though, it may seem cruel to her, Draco, and especially Ginny, that was the point of it. I almost felt as though I couldn't reward Draco with the survival of Violet, and that her death was necessary for him to finally understand the severity of the path he had gone down. This is the start of the wizarding war, after all, and wars aren't fair. Her death shows just how cruel and unforgiving ideologies like that of Voldemort can come to be.

Though, almost contradictory to what I just stated, Draco does redeem himself to an extent. In an attempt to save Violet's life he sacrifices his appearance in her eyes, letting her believe that he is nothing more than the sly manipulative boy in all the rumors. This act is something that pained him deeply, but thus shows his humility.

Finally, on a perhaps less important note (but equally as intriguing), is the character of Nymphadil Lèving. Her role isn't extremely important, and actually only existed after the third round of editing, but she is one of my favorite creations yet. The reader does not see much of her in this story, but personally on my own I've come up with an entire backstory and even plotted a future for her, she truly is a very peculiar and interesting young girl, so perhaps later on I'll write another fanfiction around her.

Thank you for giving your time to read my work.