Survival Of The Fittest [Jamilams]

A Date

Trigger warning
~Alex~

I run to the nearest bathroom full of mixed emotions. Im excited but also scared and... I just can't process what just happened. One of my crushes likes me!

Hehe keyword crushes

I've kinda develooed feelings for someone else but I think they're straight. No harm no foul though right? I'll always have the opportunity to ask, but for now I have more important matters to attend to. Elizabeth Schuyler liked me! And she even asked me out! I'm just so ecstatic I just might-

Woah Hamlet...Calm down; Be more chill.

I make my way to the bathroom for a little detour. I stare at myself in the mirror.

God you're so ugly

W-what?

Youre the most repulsive person at the college. What does Elizabeth see in you?

Oh no, the darkness is coming back. I just gotta suppress it for a bit longer-

I bet she's just interested you out of pity. She doesnt care about you no one does.

That's when I broke. What if the dark thoughts were right?

Do you want to see your family again? Just end it. Right here, right now.

I reach in my pocket to find that I still have a pocket knife and a few other things. I quickly go into one of the stalls and lock the door.

1 cut for being a loudmouth idiot

2 cuts for thinking eliza would like me

3 cuts for thinking anyone would love me

4 cuts for never thinking things through or listening to others

7 cuts for the hurricane. For my family

10 cuts for-

I hear the bathroom door open as well as a few footsteps to one of the urinals.

C'mon man, can't a guy have a moment alone?

I wait until they leave to glance at my arm. Its a horrific sight. Cuts from my wrist to my forearm. And since I just cut, theres now blood on the scene as if it wasnt bad enough. I plan to stop eventually...at somepoint when. Im no longer depressed.

Crap

I need to leave and get to the dorm! I was paying so much attention to the voices in my head i didnt think of why they were happening. I rush out of the bathroom back to the dorm towards the bathroom. Wow second bathroom in 10 minutes. I take out 2 pills then look at myself in the mirror. Huh deja vu really does exist.

"Okay alex you got this. You're a Hamilton. It's just a date. You may have never been on one before but you'll be fine. Just gotta stay calm and dont be depressing. Be the good you. The charming, charismatic and cunning you. The only side of you that people see".

I quickly swallow the pills then rush to the store for coffee and a bouquet of flowers. Once I get back to the college I knock on the door to eliza's dorm.

A familiar girl opens the door then turns and cups their hand by the side of their mouth. "Eliza, your boyfriend is here!!" She shouted. I immediately felt my ears start burning and turning red. Boyfriend...haha its a funny thought. "Just a minute!" I hear eliza call from somewhere inside the room.

The girl in front of me, I think her sister, turned back towards me. I suddenly felt a wave go through me. Now in more concerned for my well being.

"While we wait, my name is Angelica Schuyler" she stated. "Schuyler?" I questioned.
"Her sister. Or at least one of them." Holy crap how many siblings does she have?! I mean I had my brother James and even my half brother Peter but Eliza seems to have more siblings than i brothers.

Then there was snapping that brought me out of my thoughts. "Hello? Earth to Hamilton." Angelica must've noticed when I was in deep thought yet didn't do anything. Wierd.

"S-sorry I was just thinking about something" I manage to get out.
"Its ok. But a fair word of warning..."
"What?"
"Dont do anything you'll regret"
"What do you mean?

"Don't hurt my sister in any way or else I'll make your life a living hell. If I ever find out something happened to het, I'm prepared to hunt you down"

As soon as she said this I turned around, and, I'm tempted to run. After a few seconds I turned back around. "Hehe y-yeah. I don't want that to happen. I kinda need my whole body in one piece"

And after that moment of fear Eliza came out and we started to leave. I glanced behind us to see angelica. Based on the various gestures, i can say she was planning my own death.

Since I dont have a car I walked with Eliza to this little restaurant. Not cheap or crappy but it wasn't the most extravagant restaurant in New York. Ya see, the problem is I gotta lot of brains but no polish. Because of that, I dont eat as much as I should... BUT Washington seems to like me. He gave me enough money for the date.

We sit at a booth and order our food. Let the panic commence!

"S-so, where are you from Eliza" I ask.
"I'm from Albany New Jersey. What about you?"
"Im from the Caribbean, the island of Nevis"
"What about your family?" She asked with pure innocence.

And that where I realized my mistake. God damnit Alex, whyd you have to start with where you're from!?

"Its unimportant..." I started fumbling with my hands under the table until Eliza stopped me. I wonder what gave it away that im uncomfortable about the question.

"Hey it's ok, you don't have to tell me" she said
"Oh wow. Thanks 'liza" and my smile was back.
"So i noticed you have a slight accent. I'm guessing because of being from the Caribbean?"
"That and because of what I did back home."
"What'd you do?"
"Not much. I was actually a really good clerk for a trading business. They said I was really good with finances. Anyways, I would meet a new person everyday; new language everyday. "
"And with that, what can you speak?"
"Oh well English of course" I laughed, "theres also french, Danish and Hebrew"
"Thats so awesome!" She said filled with amazement.

Wow, the last time someone was amazed by me was when I wrote 51 pages in a day. Not my most impressive feat though.

"There's something else though. Eliza, i don't have a dollar to my name, an acre of land, authoritative command, a dallop of fame..." I trailed off. I really dont have much. Yet, she just looked me with these caring eyes. I continued on.

"All I've got is my honor, a very high tolerance for pain, an increasing amount of college and my too notch brain! I really dont have much, honestly im not sure what you see in me I just-"

She held my hand which silenced me. For once i was speechless.

"I dont care what you have. In life its not the things that we do, its who youre doing them with" she said which calmed me. "And, its still early in the college year. We dont have to date, we can be friends until we're ready."

"Wow Eliza, youre right. And I'm fine with just being friends. Can we at least hold hands til we get back to the college?"

"Sure"

I don't think I can find anyone more trusting and kind as Eliza.

Don't screw up alex. It might cause more damage then you think...