It killed me to watch him with her. I felt like a terrible person. In fact I know I am a terrible person. I have resolved that I care about Kimi. I care very deeply for him, and what I want more than anything is for him to be happy. Here his is happy with this girl and somehow I am still not happy. I am selfish, I must be the most selfish person in the world. That is why I am all alone right now. That is why I will always be alone. I have been doing my best to avoid Kimi and girl new girlfriend. Instead I have been focusing on selling cars and hanging out with Sebastian.
I stood by the track and watched as everyone was bustling around preparing for the upcoming practice session. Sebastian and Antti had gone for a run and I was currently waiting on my only friend to come back. I pouted as I saw Seb making his way towards me. He said something to Antti and they separated.
“Hello beautiful. Why so sad?” he asked once he was in front of me.
“I dunno Seb.” I shrugged. “Life just sucks sometimes.”
“You know he wont be with her forever.” Sebastian knew me too well.
“Who cares if he is? He deserves to be happy. And apparently he is with her.” I looked over my shoulder and saw Kimi and Minttu in the Ferrari garage. They were smiling and laughing about something. He seemed so in love with her. I looked back at Seb and he frowned at me.
“It’s not forever.” Sebastian said quietly. I shook my head and walked away. It was so hard. I certainly wanted to believe Sebastian. I wanted to think it wouldn’t last, but it might. And if that’s what makes him happy then I have to be okay with it. I just have to.
The next few days were pure hell. Minttu didn’t ever stray more than a few feet from Kimi and she sat and watched nervously during the whole race. I tried to stay out of the garage as much as possible, but when I did have to be there I stayed on Fernando’s side. As far away from her as possible, she had made it very clear that she didn’t like me and that she wanted me to stay far away from Kimi. Luckily the next grand prix was in Italy so as soon as the race ended I flew home.
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I walked into my grandfathers office to see him sitting at his desk working. He looked up at me as I entered the room, then he placed the papers he was looking over down on his desk. He motioned for me to come over. I went and leaned against his desk.
“Heidi, you look pale are you sick?” he asked.
“I’m alright. Just feeling a little under the weather.” I smiled.
“Will you be alright for the practice tomorrow?” he asked concerned.
“Of course. I’m just fine.” I waved him off.
The next morning when I woke up for practice I felt even worse. I woke up in a cold sweat. My whole body felt weird. I felt sick to my stomach and my head was throbbing. I went to the bathroom and took an Advil. I looked in the mirror to see and miserable, sick, awful looking version of myself. My hair was sticking to my face where I was sweating and my skin was clammy and pale. I pushed through the misery and took a shower before getting dressed. I simply put on a pair of shorts, a red flowy chiffon blouse and a pair of ballet flats. I couldn’t bring myself to wear a dress. I pulled my wet hair into a pony tail and then put on the bare minimum for makeup. I grabbed my bag, sunglasses, keys and a bottle of water before heading out the door.
When I arrived at the track preparation for the race was in full swing. In the back of the garage I saw a fresh pot of coffee and a tray of scones, but at the moment the idea of eating turned my stomach. I quietly sat down in the back of the garage and sipped my water. I didn’t feel like mingling with guest today. I guess I will just be here for moral support. Fernando’s Russian girlfriend Dasha came and sat beside me. She slipped her hair. I was tiny, but Dasha made me look fat. I honestly don’t see what Fernando sees in her. There is nothing to the girl.
“You look wretched Heidi.” she cooed.
“Well thanks Dasha.” I took another sip of my water.
“Sorry darling. Are you not well?” she had a quizzical look on her face.
“Not really.” I mumbled and took a deep breath, trying to push the sick feeling back down.
“That’s too bad.” she said then got up and went back over to fawning over Fernando. I sighed and decided to go get fresh air.
I caught sight of Sebastian in the paddock. I started to rush over to him, only to realize how bad I felt. I stopped for a second because I was feeling incredibly dizzy. I leaned over and placed my hands on my knees Sebastian had seen me by this point and was walking over to me. I looked up at him. He wore a worried expression on his normally smiling face. I must look worse than I thought.
“What’s wrong Heidi?” he asked.
“I’m just sick. I think I have the flu or something. I feel miserable.” I scrunched up my nose.
“Well don’t give it to me.” he took a step back and chuckled.
“Thanks. I’m so glad you’re concerned about me.” I rolled my eyes.
“Well, maybe if you’re feeling so poorly you should go home and rest.” Seb suggested.
“I know. I just want to be here for you guys.” I pouted.
“Well its just practice. Why don’t you go home and sleep it off. Get some medicine and hopefully you will feel better in time for the actual race.” Sebastian was actually being the rational one. This was a shocker. He was right though. I wasn’t doing anyone any good here sitting around and feeling puny. Maybe I should just go to the doctor.
A/N: Thanks for being patient Y'all. I have been super stressed out with finishing school, but I should be able to update much more frequently now. Also please leave feedback in the comments and vote. It really helps! You can also feel free to message me if you want. I am always up to talk. I hope you are enjoying this story!
