Lights, Camera, Harry // l.s.

Chapter 10

I am genuinley sorry for what you are about to read.

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Louis’ POV

Four tequila shots and 3 beers later, I was finally in a frame of mind to have some fun.

With a fourth drink in my hand, I swayed to beat of the music in the centre of the dance floor, a girl grinding on either side of me.

I could hear the thump of the bass and I could feel the sweaty bodies pressed up against me, but I was far too tipsy to comprehend much else, not that I wanted to.

The whole idea of tonight was to forget the all consuming weight that constantly hung above my head, the incoherent thoughts that swirl around my mind and made me regret everything.

I took another gulp, finishing off my drink as I gripped the hips of the girl in front of me. It was Eleanor.

I closed my eyes as I swayed to the music, desperately trying to feel something, anything as I kissed her warm skin. I was so sick of never feeling anything for anyone.

Well, until that curly haired guy pushed his way into my life at work on the set. Coat Boy gave me feelings that I can’t describe.

Whenever he’s near me, I feel the need to get him away from me. He’s whiny and annoying and a push over. When I tease him, he takes it straight to heart and almost cries over it.

It shits me.

He needs to harden up if he’s going to make it in this business.

I opened my eyes and looked around the room. My eyes caught a curly mop of hair heading across the room but after blinking a few times, it was gone.

Stupid Coat Boy. I’ve been thinking about him too much and now he’s invading my head.

This had to stop.

I pulled Eleanor against me and latched my lips onto her neck as I tried to erase my mind.

I pressed my body incredibly closer to her as I added my teeth to the kiss, creating a small love bite. Maybe that will help me feel some kind of emotion towards her.

Well, to anyone, really.

It wasn’t her specifically, I just wanted to know what it was like to feel emotion, to remember how happy I once was.

But then again, why would I want to remember something that would only make me long for the past and a future I can’t have?

Thinking about it only made me even more upset because I knew, no matter how much I tried, I could never have the future I wanted, a future where I am happy.

All I want is something special and to have someone who cares about me, but I know that can’t happen.

That can never happen. Not if I want the people I care about to stay safe and happy.

And here I go thinking again. Why can’t I stop?

I need to stop.

I felt the other girl move away from my back, leaving a cold patch on my back which Eleanor quickly filled by her warm hands clutching the fabric of my shirt. She clang to me as I moved my lips from her neck to her lips and kissed her hard.

Usually, doing this can turn my head off, but it wasn’t working.

Meaning I needed to work harder to get my mind off things.