three hearts in one home (l.s.)

26. Explanations and promises

It’s also a little like I got two daddies, That’s pretty cool.

I can’t stop thinking about that, when I walk to the living room. I knock on the door twice, softly, as if the way I knock could change the way he feels about me.

“Yeah?” He doesn’t sound like he’s mad, does he?

“Um”, I say when I open the door, “Hi.”

He smiles curtly but looks down to the floor quickly afterwards. “Hi, Harry.”

I walk in, closing the door behind me and sit down on the couch next to him. “Your son told me to talk about it with you, that’s what adults do.”
Louis chuckles quietly. “He’s such an idiot.”

“A lovely one.”
“Yeah”, Louis says, “He’s my son after all.”

I roll my eyes and we both laugh before Louis turns quiet again. “You’re not mad anymore?”

“No”, I say without hesitation, “Couldn’t be when you look at me like that.”

He slaps my arm lightly and rolls his eyes with a smile but then moves closer to me.

I can’t help myself but pull him into my lap so he’s facing me. “I missed you, you stupid idiot.”

He chuckles and drops his forehead against my chest. “Oh my god, I really was being an idiot, I’m so sorry, Haz.”

“It’s all good.”
He shakes his head slightly. “I’d like to explain, maybe? If you let me. I know it’s not an excuse for acting so-“

“Louis, shut up. Explain if you want to, but I’d be fine with it anyways.”

He smiles at me and nods. “So”, he starts and snuggles into the fabric of my sweater, “When you came over that day, I was already stressed. I wasn’t feeling like myself and I put Jonah down in front of the TV and already felt like a bad father because of it. And then you came and said right what I was thinking and-“

“I wanted to suggest to take him to the fair so he isn’t inside all day. It wasn’t meant as critics.”

He smiles. “Thank you. I should’ve let you explain. Anyways, I thought you wanted to criticise what I already felt bad about and that annoyed me. Not you, not you being there for us. Me. Me not being able to do anything by myself. Back home I needed my mum and when I moved here to start again, all by myself, I needed your help. It just feels like I can’t get anything done by myself. Guess that’s why I snapped at you. I want to raise him alone, not because I don’t feel like you’d do a great job with it, but because I need to accomplish something without anybody’s help.”

It’s silent for a bit after that and he looks up shyly, shrugging. “Probably a really dumb explanation, I know.”

“Louis, babe, not the explanation is dumb, the thought of wanting to raise a child alone is. You do realise that’s why there are two parents, right? Most people don’t raise a child by themselves. If it’s not with their partner, it’s with their parents and friends.”

He breathes calmer now, nodding, looking relieved. “Guess I didn’t realise that, really. Guess I feel like since his mother wasn’t around and mine isn’t anymore, I felt like then there is no other option.”

I nod, rubbing over his back in eight-motions.

“Um, Lou, I don’t mean this to come over rude or weird in any way, just, you’re saying you want to raise him alone, what do you imagine this to develop into?”, I ask and move my hand between us, “Do you want to stop the dating and stay friends or do you want me to be your boyfriend one day but not be his stepdad? I’m not asking to pressure you into anything, just so I can imagine what I’ll get out of this.”

“Okay”, he says, “The staying friends part was the dumbest thing I ever heard.” He chuckles and I smile because I really hoped for him to say that. “And the rest depends on you”, he continues, “I’ll have trouble, accepting help, I always will have, but I’d trust you with my child, Harry, I already do.”

He wraps his functioning leg around my waist and pulls himself closer to me, his soft breath tingling in my neck.

“If it was on me, I’d marry you one day and we’d adopt at least two kids more, Jonah is convinced he’d be the best brother anyways, and then we’d have a small house somewhere in the suburbs and Niall, Liam and Zayn would live nearby and take Jonah some nights.”

“Sounds boring”, Louis says but when he looks up, he smiles and there’s this sparkle in his eyes, “Sounds like this typical, boring life as a parent, but that’s probably exactly what I want to have with you.”

I smile and then I can’t help myself but kiss him really deeply.

“Jonah thinks we’re in love”, I mumble against his lips, feeling the need to tell him that.

“And you don’t?”

I shrug. “Can only talk for myself.”

“My son’s a rather smart child, isn’t he? He is right most of the time.”

I press our lips together again and it’s almost a little bit like I can feel his smile against mine, it’s a little as if butterflies in your tummy were contagious, it’s a bit like our hearts were two musicians that played right on the same beat.

I can’t describe that feeling, don’t know the reason for my chest to feel so warm, I’m not sure why I feel the most comfortable I’ve felt in years right now, all I know that this is Louis and he’ll be mine, maybe is already, and I couldn’t be happier about it.

“You make me feel too much, Harry, that’s a little creepy.”
I grin and try to pull him closer when that seems like an impossible thing to do.

There’s a little knock on the door in that moment. “Honey, you don’t have to knock, come in please”, Louis says and Jonah opens the door with a small smile on his lips.

“Just don’t want to catch you kissing. That’s disgusting, but it’s okay because you’re in love.”

We both laugh and Louis moves from my lap, signalling Jonah to come over to us.

“We all love each other again?”, he asks, “No more fights?”

“No more fights”, Louis says and pulls Jonah into his lap.
Jonah smiles satisfied. “Okay.”

“Now”, I say, “Before spending all day inside here, how does going to the fair sound?”

Louis smiles at me softly and it’s just a smile but it’s also a bit of a promise.

~~~

hihi

will probably post another chapter later today