three hearts in one home (l.s.)

40. Dark streets and worth

We stroll through the streets for a little after we paid for the rest of the bill, having discussed over who’d pay so long that I gave in in the end. He still has a proud smile on his face for winning the argument.

“Louis, stop looking like an arrogant son of a bitch”, I say and he chuckles when I stick my tongue out at him.

“Got nothing to be proud of”, I mutter, “You’re just stubborn.”

He laughs again and takes my face into his hands, tiptoeing so he can kiss me. I stumble backwards a few steps so I lean against the wall of some building as our lips connect.

We say pressed together for some time, him pressing light kisses to my lips every now and then. I’m just thinking about how perfect it is when I hear the voice.

It’s just one word, one tiny, quiet word, but it feels like it destroys everything. The kiss, the whole moment, the whole evening, everything.

“What did you just say?”, I ask, voice louder than I intended. I turn around and look into two dark eyes of a clearly drunk or high person.

The man is a little smaller than me but I still feel scared because I smell the alcohol in his breath until here and the way he clenches his fists can only mean he’s up for no good.

“You heard what I said”, he says, spitting onto the ground.

I feel Louis’ hand wrap around my wrist but I shake it off, I’m not done with this.

“And why the fuck would you think you’d get away with that, you homophobic asshole?”

I take a step closer to him, wanting to punch his face, wanting to kick him in the stomach, wanting to cry.

If I wasn’t so angry, he’d see my sadness, but I won’t appear weak, I won’t do him that favour.

“Watcha gonna do about it?”, he slurs and takes a step closer as well. I’d like to move away from him now, but that would feel like giving in, giving up.

“Baby”, Louis mumbles, “Come on.”

I ignore him. I probably shouldn’t, but I can’t just let him go now. I can’t ignore that word, not now, not when everything was just fine.

“Fuck off”, Louis says and grabs my wrist, pulling me away from the man, “Go away and sober up, but most importantly stay the fuck away from my boyfriend or you’ll wish you never even considered talking to us like this.”

The man looks like he thinks about saying something for a few seconds before he shrugs. “You’re not even worth a fight”, he mumbles.

“Worthless.”

The word lets my chest sting with pain and if Louis wouldn’t still be grabbing my wrist, pulling me into the opposite direction, the man is walking in, I’m not sure I could control myself.

I don’t say anything on the few metres back home, don’t say anything while Louis opens the door, don’t say anything while brushing my teeth.

This actually hurt more than I could’ve imagined. Sure, I’ve heard people be homophobic, sure, I’ve gotten weird looks and dealt with stupid stereotypes, but never have I ever had someone talk to me like that, no one ever actually told me this kind of stuff right to my face.

The pain in my chest doesn’t go away the whole time and I know Louis tries talking to me more than once until we’re laying in bed, but I can’t.

It suddenly feels so wrong.

I already lay in bed when Louis closes the door behind him as well. He sits down on the bed next to me and moves closer until he’s facing me and can wrap his arms around my back.

“Baby”, he says, ever so softly and carefully, voice filled with hurt and compassion and that’s all it takes for me to start crying.

And once I started, I actually can’t stop. I can’t stop sobbing into the fabric of his pyjama shirt until it’s wet, can’t stop crying until there’s actually no tears left, but even then, my lips still tremble and my breath goes way too fast.

He hugs me tightly the whole time, rubbing over my back and whispering soothing words into my ear but somehow, that makes me cry even more.

“But”, I whisper after some minutes just filled with my slowly calming breath, “How could they think it’s wrong, how could they consider something, that feels so right, wrong?”

Louis cups my jaw, stroking over my cheek with his thumb and drying the tears. “I don’t know, baby, I don’t know. All I know is that this is not wrong, this is just as perfect as it feels.”

“How would you know? What if this is wrong, what if I’m actually worthless?”

It hurts, saying it out loud, but at the same time it feels like an important question to ask.

“Harry”, he says, sounding hurt, “Why would you say that? You’re not worthless. Baby, you mean so much to me, you’re the most important person in my life, you’re worth everything, you don’t even know. I’d give the world if I had to, just to be able to stay with you, keep you in my life forever.”

I would cry some more if my tears weren’t used up so I just nod, closing my eyes, suddenly feeling extremely exhausted.

“Promise me you’ll never consider that again, tell me, Harry. Promise me you know you’re not worthless.”

I nod against his chest, curling up into a ball so I feel as tiny and vulnerable on the outside as I feel on the inside.

“I promise, Louis, I know I’m not worthless.”

And then the tears are back nevertheless, falling down onto the bed in tiny drops as he keeps brushing through my hair.

“My baby. Want to protect you from everything, everyone, never want you to feel hurt again. You’re so strong, my love, the strongest. You don’t even know.”

I would protest, usually, but not today. Today that’s all I need to hear, today I’m too lazy to disagree.

I nod, as if I was a little child getting taught an important lesson, nod and nuzzle up against his shirt and we stay like that for minutes, hours maybe until it doesn’t hurt as much anymore, until I know who I am again, until I understand that this man’s opinion is nothing I should ever care about.

“Okay?”, Louis asks after some time and turns off the light, “Better?”

I nod, feeling too tired to speak. “Better. All ‘cause of you, Louis.”

I know he’s smiling when he tugs the blanket over both of us and presses kisses all over my face afterwards. “No, baby, it’s not all because of me, don’t say that. You made it through this shit last hour and that wasn’t my doing.”

I nod again and feel my eyes close, feeling too heavy to keep them open.

“Sleep, Haz, it’ll be better tomorrow, it’ll be all good.”

And even though he can’t be sure of that, as soon as he says it, I believe him and I know we’ll be just fine.

~~~

thought I'd post a third chapter today since the regular story is finished

I'll try and write lots of snippets of their future, they won't be uploaded as regularly tho

next two days I won't be home so I'll see how much I post, depending on the wifi in the hotel

<3