Lessons in Love

Chapter 26: "It's Taylor. We have a problem."

“Jace, when are you going to bring Ali over again?” my mom asked as I passed through the kitchen.

“I don’t know. She’s busy with Sara and Taylor this weekend.” I said as I stopped walking so I could talk to her face to face. I hated yelling through walls and from different floors in the house.

“What are they doing?”

“Well, Sara and Taylor are supposed to be studying for all the seniors tests we have this week, but they are really out with Ali doing I don’t know what.” I said with a smile.

“I’m very glad all of your friends came to help you improve your grades. That’s what got you into Madison I’m sure. They could see the improvement and knew you were trying so much more than before.”

“I had a good reason to improve.” I stated with a shrug as if it wasn’t a big deal, but even I couldn’t lie. It was a really good improvement and it took a lot of work, but I was just happy to see my mom so pleased with me.

She and my father had finalized their divorce before spring break and it had a made my mom happier to be single than to be with my father. Probably because I was home more often now, instead of hiding at my friends houses like usual. It must have felt good for her to be free of someone that cheated, lied and beat her.

It made me wonder why she stayed with him for so long. So curious, that I asked and then instantly regretted it as I saw the sadness on my mother’s face. She didn’t want to talk about this, but when I tried to tell her it was okay and that she didn’t have to tell me she started talking.

“Love is blind is more than just a saying; it’s the truth. I never saw how bad your father was because I wanted to be believe that he had changed for me and that he loved me.”

“Can that be a reason why a girl is hesitant to date someone?” I asked curiously.

“Of course, she’s either seen someone get hurt so badly that they seemed lost and fragile or she was that girl who had her heart broken.” My mom answered simply.

“How do you fix it?”

“Well, on some you can’t fix it. There is always going to be a part of them that is still like that. They won’t be able to see that they were trained to do certain things at certain times until they meet someone that doesn’t do that to them. They will react as they always have and it could scare the new person off. Of course, if the new person is persistent and can show that they won’t hurt them like that last significant other did than there’s a chance they will open up again.”

“It just takes the right person, correct?”

“Yes, why are you so curious Jace?”

“My friend Sara was like that for a while, she didn’t talk, actually she was basically a shell of herself for a while after her ex broke up with her. He beat her and she loved him.” I said reflecting on Carter’s actions towards her. He lifted her by her neck, physically abusing her but she had taken it for so long. Why did I think it was okay to make fun of her for that?

It was horrible and I just stood by while I saw it happen. What kind of person did that make me? Was I just not phased by it because it was natural for me to see everyday? Maybe I was desensitized to it and it didn’t seem like something awful because of how often I saw it. That still didn’t make it right that I had let it happen when I saw it.

What if Nate hadn’t been there to take care of her, or Will to be patient enough to deal with her? She would have been lost and so would Ali and Taylor. They would have done anything to cheer her up, to see her happy again. They all would have been lost because the one thing Sara needed she wasn’t getting. She needed understanding, which Ali and Taylor couldn’t give her.

They didn’t understand why she had stayed with him when he hit her and hurt her. It didn’t make sense to them because they hadn’t experienced it. They only saw it through their eyes, but they couldn’t see it through Sara’s perspective, just like I couldn’t see it through my mom’s eyes. They were both damaged like I was because of the abuse done to us by lovers.

Why had I stood by, uncaring and not understanding to either of their pain? I had gone through it and I should have been there to help, but instead I let it continue without a word against the actions. When my friend and my mom needed me most I wasn’t able to be there because my pain, in my mind, was more important then theirs and if they didn’t notice mine why should I notice theirs?

That wasn’t fair, it wasn’t right. I should have done something, said something, anything so that they knew they had someone. I would have been there for them, or would I have been? Maybe Sara was right about me at the wedding, I look out for myself and no one else. That’s all changed now, because I have Ali and she was the one that healed me.

She had made me forget about Cassandra, helped me move on from her and realize that it wasn’t the number I was after, but Cassandra’s love. It wasn’t worth that, I had wasted so much time just going out with girls, using them to get to a number and what would that do? Nothing, I would win the acceptance of a girl that just wanted to manipulate me and I would have let her too because I was blinded by love.

I hadn’t realized what she was doing to me until I had something better than her. I had found Ali and that’s all that really mattered, because I realized just how amazing Ali was. She was the one that helped me, saved me and I was glad to have her in my life.

“That’s about right. Your friend was shell, as you put it, because the person that controlled her left, but she was left with their rules. She still had them, but didn’t have a controller anymore.”

“Is that why she doesn’t make choices on her own?”

“Anything is possible. It just depends on what she was trained to do.” My mom said with a shrug.

“Trained?”

“Yeah, for lack of a better term, the abused is typically trained.”

“Why?”

“So the abuser has control over them.”

“Is that what dad was like?” I asked curiously.

“Yes, but I’m older than your friend so I know how to break the habits easier than her.” My mom said with smile.

My phone let out a loud ring along with a repeated vibrate that caught my attention. I grabbed it off the kitchen counter and lifted it to my ear as I watched my mom continue to make lunch for us.

“Hello?” I asked without looking at the caller identification.

“It’s Taylor. We have a problem.” She said calmly.

“What’s up?”

“That ex of yours is here, and I’m not really looking forward to her coming over here and talking to us again. She looks pissed, and I think she just saw Ali so I have to go!” Taylor said as I heard running over the phone.

“Where are you?” I asked worriedly as I started to pull on my shoes and grabbed my keys to take off. My mom was looking at me with confusion and worry evident on her face as she watched me scramble to get out the door.

“We’re at the park. She won’t cause a scene at the park right?” Taylor asked, sounding like she already knew the answer.

“Of course she will start a scene at the park! Just keep her away from Ali!” I said as I turned on the car and pulled out of the driveway.

“Yeah, too late for that. I’ll go do damage control instead.” Taylor said as she hung up without waiting for me to answer again. I threw the phone down roughly into the seat next to me as I stepped on the gas pedal and sped off. I was really starting to hate Cassandra.