summit ✽ h.s

s i x t y - f i v e

hereeee it is. i'm obsessed with this chapter. leave some comments bc i read ALL of them :)
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september 29th, 9:44 pm
amsterdam

"I can't even-" I pause to let out giggles. "I can't even remember what you just said. At all. None of it."

"Fuck." Harry chuckles. "How long has it been since we ate them?" He rubs his red eyes.

"I feel like it's been two hours?" I think hard about how long it's been since I ate my cookie and Harry ate his brownie. Definitely at least two hours.

"Oh I know." He smiles wide, pulling out his phone. "I took that picture right before we ate, remember?"

"No." I laugh.

"Here. 9:15." He laughs again. "It's been thirty minutes."

"Fuck." I fall back onto the bed still laughing. Harry falls back with me laughing too.

"I'm so high." He says to me and I nod in agreement.

"I think this is the highest I've been. Ever." My body feels like I'm on a cloud. My legs feel a little blurry, that's the only way I can explain it. Everything's just good, and calm and happy.

"You only ate half." He grins.

"Should I finish it?" I start to get up from the bed but Harry grabs my shoulder and pushes me down.

"No. No more for you."

"Fine. Okay. No more." I close my eyes and repeat myself a bit more quietly. "No more."

"Keep your eyes open."

"It's hard to. Too heavy."

"Don't sleep. Talk to me."

"About what?" I ask, opening my eyes.

"Do you love me?"

I laugh.

"Yeah, I love you." I poke his nose and he smiles lightly. "You look pretty."

"You deserve a pretty boyfriend." He says. I rub my eyes, my mind spiraling with thoughts that I instantly forget. "Sometimes I think I don't deserve you."

I laugh again. Funny. I can't think about any quality I have or anything I offer that Harry doesn't deserve. If anything, I don't deserve him.

"I'm serious." He says, his bloodshot red eyes looking a bit more soft than before.

"Stop that." I furrow my brows. "That's stupid."

"You're too beautiful. Too kind, too thoughtful." He says softly, staring at me. "I'm too insecure."

"You feel insecure with me?"

"It's not you." He pauses, trying to collect his thoughts. "I think that I have always felt that way and since you're, well, you, it doesn't necessarily help."

"Seriously, shut up." I definitely shouldn't have responded in that way, I'm definitely too high.

"I get these compliments about my looks and whatever but I feel like if I weren't famous nobody would think that? I don't know- and I don't like to care about what others think, but I do. I wasn't- erm." He pauses. "In high school I was the boy who was friends with everyone, every girl. Nobody saw me any way more than that and I guess when the band took off there was this weird switch and women started to see me differently and I just associate the compliments and the comments with fame, not with me."

Fuck. I'm. Too. High. For. This. I hope I don't fuck up and say some dumb shit that makes him feel worse.

"Any compliment I've ever given you isn't because you're famous." I say softly. "Who the fuck cares about that."