July 29, 2019
Dear Diary,
What is it, Diary? H-How did it happen? Everything was alright until today... Wasn't it? I.... I wanna go back to yesterday, I hate today.
My hands are trembling, and my heart feels like it's going to burst out of my chest. I'm scared, more scared than I've ever been. Everything feels so messed up, and I don't know how to fix it.
I can't believe it. I just can't. The reports came out, and it feels like my entire world has shattered into a million pieces. It must be some sick joke, right? A prank the doctor is playing with me.... Or some misunderstanding.
It fucking has to be a misunderstanding!!
There's no way this can be true. I'm only twenty-four; how can my heart betray me like this?
Coronary heart disease... those three words are haunting me. I.... I can't breathe. It's hurting, Diary.... It hurts so much. My emotions are blocking my wind pipe. I can't stop the tears from falling on this very page, smearing my words, but I can't hold back. I feel like I'm trapped in a nightmare, desperately trying to wake up, hoping it's all just a bad dream.
Please someone wake up from this nightmare. I am scared.... I beg you, please!!
I don't want to die. I want to live more, laugh more, experience all the joys that life has to offer. It was just the beginning of my life. I had just started to live my life. I haven't experienced so many things, haven't.... Haven't watched beautiful places in this world. I haven't met people yet....
There is so much more that is still left.
How do I accept this? How do I face this terrifying truth? I want to fight, to rebel against my destiny, against the unfairness of it all. God can'y snatch everything from me like this after giving me a taste of what beautiful life looks like.
It's so hard to breathe right now. My emotions are suffocating me, and my heart feels heavy with grief and fear. I can't let my world crumble down so easily. I want to fight, to find a way to defy this disease.
There must be some way. There....There has to be a treatment of whatever disease this is. Science is so advanced.... How can doctors let someone die. They save millions of people.... They .. they need to save me too.
They say miracles happen! That God exist.... Please God! I don't know which God rules this world but please... Please don't do this to me. Please give me a little more time to live. This can't be the end yet... Please!!
Taehyung!!
Tae.... How am i gonna tell him??
The mere thought of Taehyung being heartbroken fills me with dread. I can't bear to see him cry, to see pain in his beautiful eyes. It's terrifying.
I couldn't bring myself to tell him about the call from the hospital, Diary. My instincts told me something was wrong, so I went to the doctor secretly. The moment he uttered those words, my world shattered. Coronary heart disease, a serious condition where my heart's blood supply is blocked.
It feels surreal, like a cruel joke fate is playing on me. I don't know how to process this information. Time feels like a ticking bomb, I don't know when it will explode shattering everything.
I don't have control over anything. Fuck! I don't have control over my heart. It ditched me... It fucking ditched me at the wrong time.
Why does life have to be so merciless? We've barely begun our fairytale, and now it's slipping away from my hands. I wanted more time, more moments to cherish and love.
I haven't got enough of anything yet!! How can i give up so easily? How can i accept my fate?? How am i supposed to be patient with this much where there is a whole lot of ocean waiting for me to be explored??
Just how??
Ah!! Diary...please tell me this is some sick joke. Please tell me everything will be okay once i wake up... I am just sleeping and having a nightmare.
Where is my Taehyung?? I need him! I.... I need him, please!!
He... He is at the office right now.... That means....that means it's not a nightmare? No!! No way in hell I will accept that. I am fine!!
Nothing has happened to me.
That doctor knows nothing. Who gave him permission to treat patient's when he don't know how to read fucking reports properly???
I.... I don't know what to do, Diary. It's so silent.... Everything is silent like they are mourning something. I don't like it. I hate this silence. I love when Taehyung laughs, i love the sound of rain hitting my window pane, I love Taehyung calling my name.... I love the soft gushing of wind, I love Taehyung's whinings, I love birds chirping.... I.... I love my Taehyung's soft snores.
Someone please take away this silence....please!
How will he live in this eerie silence after I'm gone?
My hands are trembling as I write, tears flowing uncontrollably. My mind is a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. I don't know what to do, Diary. I feel so helpless.
God, why? Why do you have to take this happiness away from me?
Am i not your child? How can you be so cruel to me? To Taehyung? He is your angel... isn't he? How can u hurt him? And my parents.... How will they take this news??
I need time, Diary, to process all of this. My world feels like it's crumbling, and I don't know how to pick up the pieces. For the first time in my life, I'm scared to death, and it terrifies me. I'm a mess of emotions, and I can't find the words to describe what I'm feeling.
I need to go now, Diary. I need to be alone and think. I need to gather myself. I can't write anymore. I am shaking with emotions. I need to go. Yes.... I... I need to go. I need to do something.
I need to wake up.
With a heavy heart,
Jungkook
YOU ARE READING
Whispers in the Pages
Fanfiction"Dear Diary, Today, I met him again. Kim Taehyung. His laughter is infectious, and his smile lights up my world like the stars in the night sky. I can't help but feel drawn to him, as if our souls have been intertwined across time. He has a way of m...
