Whispers in the Pages

Diary entry 43

August 14,2019

Dear Diary,

Another week has passed, and I'm still holding on to each day, hoping for some miracle to come and change my fate. The days have been passing in a blur of emotions and despair, but amid it all, Taehyung's love continues to be my anchor. His smiles have the power to take away all of my worries, even if just for a moment. When I drown myself in his beautiful eyes, I forget every problem in the world, and it feels like everything will be okay.

I'm trying my best to stay composed, not to let my fear and despair take control over me. But the truth of my condition is still hard to accept. How can I have a disease that is slowly eating up my heart? How can there be space for anything else in my heart when it's already completely occupied by Taehyung? I may be trying to fool myself with these thoughts, but deep down, I know that time is slipping away, and I don't have much of it left.

In the midst of this depressing week, one good thing has happened - Taehyung took leave from his office to be with me, to take care of me. I haven't told him the truth yet. I lied to him, saying I'm just having migraines due to excessive screen time. I can't bear the thought of seeing him hurt and broken, and I'm not ready to shatter his world just yet.

Taehyung has been doing everything to make me happy. He ensures I take my medicines on time, takes care of my diet and exercise, and even limits my phone usage. Yesterday, he made me lie in his lap, telling me a story while gently massaging my scalp. I didn't even realize when I fell into a peaceful slumber. When I woke up, my head was still in his lap, and I hugged him tightly, feeling safe and loved.

But I can't help feeling guilty. Taehyung has been doing so much for me, and I haven't done anything special for him in return. So, I went out yesterday and bought him his favorite flowers, Orchids. The joy in his eyes when he saw them was priceless, and he hugged me tightly, showering me with love and gratitude. Small things make Taehyung the happiest, and I want to cherish every moment and make him feel loved and cherished too.

The flowers are still on the table in front of me, fresh and vibrant, just like our love. But I can't help but wonder, will they dry out tomorrow? Or the day after tomorrow, just like life wears out eventually? The uncertainty of my future weighs heavily on my heart, and I don't know how much time I have left to be with Taehyung.

I'm scared, Diary. Scared of the pain I will cause Taehyung when I finally tell him the truth. Scared of the unknown that lies ahead. But I'm also grateful for every moment I have with him, for his love and care that make each day worth living.

For now, I'll hold onto Taehyung and the love we share, and pray for a miracle that can keep us together for a little longer. I hope that no matter what happens, Taehyung will always know how much he means to me and how deeply I love him.

With a heavy heart and a soul filled with love,

Jungkook