2:29 AM

Chapter Fifty-Five

I'm in the school library, wandering around. I walk back to the hidden romance section and look for a book. I need to find something to get lost in. I look through a couple, reading the backs, flipping through, but I don't find anything I'm satisfied with. There aren't many people in the library.

Suddenly the lights dim. I can make a few things out in the weak light. I feel someone behind me. I gasp, shivering. I know I should be scared but I'm not. There's something familiar about the person behind me. I feel arms wrap around my waist, lips brush my ear. I inhale his smell. Spicy, clean, masculine.

"Sweetheart," I hear. I know it's Bryce. "I can't stand being apart from you."

"I don't have feelings for Colton. I want us to be together, Bryce," I whisper to him. His grip tightens. God, it feels so good to be held by him.

"I'm sorry I thought you did," he murmurs. "I don't want to have anything stopping us from being together."

"There's nothing, Bryce. No one, nothing," I tell him. He spins me around, his hands cup my face.

"You're sure you want this?" he asks. I nod and then his mouth covers mine, kissing me softly, deeply. My arms wrap around him as I forget everything I know but Bryce. I kiss him back, trying to tell him how I feel.

I wake up, gasping. It was just a dream. Just a dream. Bryce and I aren't together and I haven't felt his touch in weeks.

My heart's still racing from my dream. I wipe sweat from my forehead and look at my watch. It's 3:19. "Fuck," I mutter. Why did it have to be a dream? I slide out of bed and wander downstairs.

I don't think anyone's up. I walk into the kitchen and jump slightly when I see Christian. She looks up at me. She hasn't turned the lights on, but her laptop screen is bright. "Oh," I say quietly. "I hadn't realized anyone else was up." She shrugs.

"I can never seem to fall asleep," she says. I nod. "What are you doing up?"

"I was getting a glass of water. You?" I walk to the fridge and grab a bottle of water.

"I couldn't fall asleep, so I started writing," she tells me. I nod and lean against the counter.

"You're a student English teacher, right?" I ask. She nods. "What are you writing?"

"Poems," Christian tells me. "Is that one of Greyson's shirts?" she asks me. I look down.

"Oh, no, it's...Bryce's." Fuck, why am I so obsessed with him?

"And who's Bryce?" she asks. I can't tell is she's trying to be friendly or if she wants to know something.

"Bryce was my boyfriend...kind of. I don't know how you'd describe us. Fuck, it's all so complicated, you know?" I say. She smiles.

"Yeah. You can take a seat if you want." She gestures to the chair next to her. I nod and sit down. Light catches her hand. She's wearing a ring on her ring finger. "So, you aren't with Greyson, then?"

"Oh, God no. We're just friends," I say. It almost seems like she's relieved. "I'm sorry, are you married?" I ask.

"Almost, I'm engaged," she tells me. I'm assuming it's to Trevor.

"Oh, do you love him?" I ask. Her smile falters.

"Yeah," she says after a while. "I do."

"Are you sure? You seem uncertain," I say. Fuck, if she's engaged, Greyson better make his move before it's too late.

"Like you said, it's all so complicated," Christian says. "Love is only so relative to marriage. Marriage is more of a business deal; a negotiation."

"Maybe," I say. "But personally, I'd rather be in love than be in a loveless marriage."

"We all have to make sacrifices," Christian says. "What's brought you here, Andy? I'm assuming you have parents." I laugh without humor.

"Speaking of loveless marriage," I start shaking my head,"my parents have been married since my mom got knocked up at twenty, but she's not even sure that he's my dad. I'm here because I caught my mother in bed with my dad's best friend. I think my dad loves her, but she never loved him. If she did, she wouldn't have cheated. I swear, her legs are open for everyone expect my dad," I say. She looks like she's thinking. "I'm going to be honest," I say.

"Okay?" Christian looks a bit nervous.

"I know about you and Greyson. Relax! He didn't tell me and I won't tell anyone. I saw you guys once. I'm not sure if you remember, but I was in detention a while ago," I tell her. Her face pales.

"No, I remember you. You were with a boy, he had green eyes. Your shirt was ripped and you had safety pins through it," she says.

"I've talked to Greyson more, and he's told me about you guys. About Trevor. I wanted to know the story before I made assumptions," I say. "Can I ask you something?"

"Um, sure," she says.

"I don't know much about you or about anything going on, so forgive me if I'm wrong, but you're engaged to a man you're not sure you love. Telling yourself that you love him will only work for so long. And maybe you do love him, but then what about Greyson? If you're in denial of your feelings for Greyson, it's only going to hurt you later.

"So I guess I'm asking you who's been hurt the most. Is it Trevor for being cheated on? Is it Greyson for everything you've put him through? Or is it you because you've been suppressing your feelings?"

She doesn't say anything for a couple of seconds. "I don't know," Christian tells me. "Who was that boy you were with in detention?"

"That was Colton. We were together for a while," I say.

"And then?" she asks.

"And then Bryce walked into my life. He and Colton are kind of like brothers. Everything with Bryce was so much easier than it was with Colton. Colton was off, but I didn't realize it because I was so wrapped up in Bryce. Colton and I broke up because he was cheating with me and then Bryce and I happened," I say. A forced smile tugs at her lips.

"People cheat for a reason sometimes," she tells me.

"I know. It turns out that Colton's father died four years ago and he was acting out because of that. And then things with Bryce weren't as easy because I felt guilty about Colton." I shake my head. "I wish things were easy," I say. Christian nods.

"Me too," she says. "Me too."