always been mine - emily prentiss x reader

chapter eight // vacation time

WARNINGS: mentions of child sexual abuse, emotional abuse

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You wanted nothing more than to go home. You couldn't sleep on planes, but you laid your head on Emily's shoulder. Hotch knew you'd had a hard week and didn't comment on this display of affection. He came to sit across from you two, and you picked your head up.

"Y/L/N. Are you alright?"

"Yeah, Hotch, I'm fine. Thanks,"

"You're not. Take tomorrow off,"

"Hotch, I'm really fine,"

"You haven't slept, Y/N, at least you don't look like you have,"

"Gee, thanks." He glared at you. "Sorry, sir,"

"Get some rest. I'll see you Wednesday,"

"But today's Sunday, you'll see me Tuesday,"

"No, I've increased your time off for being snarky." He cracked a rare smile. "But seriously, Y/L/N, you never take vacation time anyway. Wednesday. I'm not taking no for an answer,"

"Of course you're not. Fine. I'll see you Wednesday." He got up from the seat and looked once more at you two. "Prentiss, I recommend you use your vacation time as well." She nodded and you put your head back on her shoulder.

-

In the morning, you opened your phone to a text from Garcia. 

PG: Hey I know you're not in today and I don't wanna pry but just lmk you're okay xo

You: i'm all good, penelope. thanks for checking up <3 and thank you for not prying. love ya pg

PG: :)

"You're up," Emily noticed.

"That I am,"

"Mm. How are you doing?"

"Emily, I'm really okay. I promise." You tried to smile, kissed her quick, and got out of bed faster than you normally did. 

"Where you going?"

"I need coffee, babe,"

"You're only this fast when you're ups...Honey, come lay down,"

"No, I'm fine,"

"I know..." Emily let out a helpless sigh. "I know you're upset. I get it—"

"Ems, I'm begging you to stop." Emily shut her eyes and took a deep breath. "I don't wanna talk,"

"We don't have to,"

"I know," you said, nodding your head as you changed your earrings. "I've just got a lot of energy this morning, okay, babe?"

"We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, of course not, but I just...please come back to bed,"

"I can't,"

"Y/N." Emily pleaded with her eyes. 

"Emily."

"Please come lay down with me." 

Her glare made it impossible to resist her. She played with your hair absentmindedly as you tried to figure out how to say what you wanted to say. "This is really hard, Emily,"

"I know. And I'm so proud of you, do you know that? You're so strong, my love." Your eyes stung with tears.

"I need you to know that this...this doesn't just go away. This isn't something I can just 'get over',"

"No, baby, of course not. But I wanna be here for you, all the time, no matter how you're feeling. I am in love with you, Y/N. I love you so much,"

"I love you, Emily. I...I fought so hard for so long to keep it together. I never told a soul about what happened. He...I...it's been so long. And I'm so tired." Emily kissed the top of your forehead by your hairline. 

"I know you are, baby. You're okay,"

"I'm sorry for putting you through this,"

"Hey. You're not putting me through anything. I want to be here. Because I love you, more than anything else in the world, and you..." Her voice broke and you could see the whispers of tears in her eyes. "You're everything to me."

"I feel guilty,"

"About what, love?"

"I don't know." You could barely whisper it, and you looked down at your feet at the end of the bed. "But I'm sorry,"

"You have nothing to apologize for, love. Nothing that he did, that your parents did, none of that is your fault. It's not,"

"Then why does it feel like it is?" you cried. "I'm sorry." You dug your head into Emily's shoulder and she rubbed your back as she fought her own tears.

"Because...they told you it was. We've seen this so many times in our work. Someone being abused and manipulated and they blame themselves because they should have stopped it or said something to someone. Do we blame the victim for what happened? No. We get the people who hurt them. It's not their fault, and it's not yours, no matter how much you think it is. It's not. Do you hear me?" You sobbed and nodded. "You didn't do anything wrong. They hurt you. And you have a right to be...angry, and hurt, and upset about it. Of course you do. And I...I'm always gonna love you, no matter what. I can't take your pain away, and that's excruciating to me, but I can be here to love you through it. Just...let me in, okay?"

Both of you were in tears, and you didn't give her an answer. There was nothing to say. She loved you more than anyone had.