chapter seventy-three // cheerios & love

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pls maia's gonna do something in this chapter that seems so dumb but i did it as a child when my mom was pregnant with my brother 😭😭

"*giving my mom Cheerios in her belly button* i want to feed noney~" - me circa 2006

-

Emily only talked to the babies when you were asleep. It was her time with them, hers forever and hers alone.

"Mama loves you so much, babies. My little loves. Your mommy's been very brave. Your daddy says it's nothing to worry about yet that her morning sickness hasn't gone away. It can last a little longer with twins. Mommy's been saying, 'It'll all be worth it for these two.' I know it will be. I just hope she isn't hurting so bad anymore. A third of the way there. First trimester, down. Fourteen weeks down, a ton more to go. Mama's so excited to meet you two."

When you slept, Emily always held you in a way that protected you, and when JJ would be in with you — your relationship had grown ever so slightly more romantic with her, not simply domestic as it had been since she moved in — she would sleep on your other side, keeping you safe there too.

Fourteen weeks, your bump was obvious, and it made you smile. "'Cause it's an actual tangible sign there are babies growing inside you?" asked Emily with a big smile.

"Oh, I'd say the 'everything else' about this pregnancy is tangible enough for her," laughed JJ.

You wore a shirt out from under which your baby bump poked, and Maia liked to sit with you and touch your belly. She sort of understood, but babies aren't good at concepts, and for her there was nothing she could touch besides your belly that showed she was getting siblings.

She had a little bowl full of Cheerios, and she put one in your mouth. "For Mommy,"

"Mm, thank you, lovey,"

"And for baby!" She lifted your shirt up a little and put a Cheerio in your belly button. Emily laughed from the kitchen.

"Maia, what are you doing to your mommy?" she asked in a silly voice. Maia stood on the couch and looked at your wife.

"I feed the babies. Oh! No, there two, I give two Cheerios." When another one wouldn't fit, she handed it to you and said, very seriously, "For babies. For later."

"It's their snack?" you asked her.

"No. Other baby,"

"Oh, okay. Got it. I'll make sure they get it, lovey,"

"Maia, c'mon, Mama's gonna take you to school, we gotta get ready!" Emily picked up your daughter and brought her upstairs. Maia called daycare 'school', so you all did as well. Henry went to school, so Maia also went to 'school'. Emily would drop the kids off at their respective places.

"Em's so good," you said as JJ sat on the couch next to you.

"Yeah." She pulled you in and kissed your cheek. You put your head on her shoulder and she wrapped her arms around you. "How're you feeling today?"

"Mm. Okay,"

"Well, okay like better or okay like dizzy and nauseous and weak but a normal amount?" You smiled.

"Somewhere in between," you said. JJ rubbed your back. Spencer came in and saw you two together.

"Where's Emily?"

"Taking the kids to school," you said. He took a long, smiling look at how happy you and JJ looked together.

-

By 18 weeks your back was already killing you. In bed, you would lay on your side and Emily would rub your lower back to make you feel better. She'd call you her good girl, tell you how she loved you and how strongly she felt about you.

On the flight back to Quantico, Emily knew you had been hurting. You were on your feet a lot and, in a critical emergency, had to rescue an injured five-year-old boy, carrying him out of the house. After restraining herself from yelling that you shouldn't have put that much stress on yourself — Hotch had done enough of that — she sat where Spencer normally slept and you put your head in her lap. She stroked your hair and let you cry. You were overwhelmed and tired and your back hurt like hell from so much exertion.

"Y/N, I'm so proud of you for all of this. You're going through a lot, your body's working so hard, honey. Give yourself a break. My sweet girl, you're hurting, I'm so sorry you're in so much pain. These babies are making it tough, huh?" she laughed.

"It's not their fault," you cried with a pained laugh.

While Emily comforted you, soft and sweet, Hotch was doing paperwork, Rossi was drinking scotch, and Morgan was listening to music; JJ and Spencer sat across from one another. He was writing a list of baby name combinations when he looked up.

JJ was looking at you out of the corner of her eye with tears. Spencer's frog smile emerged. "JJ..." She flicked her eyes to him, sniffled, and rested her chin in her hand, looking out the airplane window. "You love her,"

"I do not," she said evenly. All her effort was poured into not letting her voice shake.

"You care very much about her, then, if you'd rather not say you love her,"

"Of course I care, Spence. I care about all of you,"

"You're falling for them...aren't you?" JJ shook her head. "They love you,"

"You can't speak for them,"

"I can see it. You act different around them, your body language suggests you're more comfortable and you feel safe with them. You've been happier, too. I'm just happy you're good, JJ. After Will, I...I was worried about you," he admitted.

"You don't have to worry about me. I'm fine,"

"Emily and Y/N love me. But they don't live me in the same way they love you. They love me as a coparent and their best friend. They love you as a partner to them." He looked down for a minute, waiting to see if JJ would say anything. Once he looked back up he continued, "I'm not blind. Not deaf, either. Our bedrooms share a wall. Mine and theirs. I can hear what you guys do sometimes,"

JJ's face went beet red. Spencer smiled. "You—you can?"

"Yeah," he chuckled, "Sometimes I wish I didn't. But hey, they stayed with you. We had drunk sex one night after I broke up with Morgan and a few months later I have a daughter with my lesbian best friends,"

"You dated Morgan?"

"I thought...Y/N told you..."

"She did not! I've been wondering what happened. Not my business, not my place to ask, but damn." He chuckled at her surprise.

"I'm so lucky to have them as my friends. And coparents to Maia and those two babies. Your relationship with them is really nice, JJ. I think you love them, but...I could be wrong."

He wasn't. She did love you, and she loved Emily. There wasn't a word for what she wanted to be to you, and she was glad, because she wouldn't have known how to begin that conversation.

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