always been mine - emily prentiss x reader

chapter forty-eight // body

Nights grew restless. Emily would let you sleep if you could, but leaving her and Spencer to do everything filled you with guilt. They both assured you that they just wanted you to get back to feeling like yourself, but you wanted to be there for your wife, your best friend, and your daughter most of all.

When finally the depression faded, your anxiety would spike. It was a vicious cycle.

Months and months and months, you had gone back to work, Maia had a babysitter who was just wonderful, shouldn't you be over all this by now?

"My love, can I have a kiss?" Emily asked after the elevator closed. You smiled and tilted your head to look at her. She gave you a light kiss and wrapped her arm around your waist. You shrunk away from her and crossed your arms. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," you mumbled. You turned your eyes down at the floor. Emily's thumb stroked your side and you took a tiny step the other way.

"Y/N." You looked at her then turned away. "What's happening?"

"Emily, will you just drop it?" The hurt look on her face killed you. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to snap, I'm sorry, Ems." She smiled forgivingly. You bit your lip to keep the tears from showing.

"Let me hold you?" You let her take you in a hug and she rubbed your back. The elevator dinged and she let go. "Love you, angel." A few tears had fallen, some caught on Emily's sweater. You wiped your face and sniffled, smiling wide to defend yourself against more tears. She'd turned your name for her around on you, and the world had stopped for a moment. You loved being her angel, didn't you?

"Love you, too."

That afternoon, you went out together for lunch, and on the way she noticed how uncomfortable you were. "My love, don't feel bad. I'm not mad about this morning. I just wanna know what's wrong. Let me fix it,"

"You can't fix it, Ems,"

"Let me be the judge of that. What's going on?" You shook your head and your eyes stung as you turned to look out the window, away from her. "Y/N, please," she begged. "Fine. You don't have to tell me. But just let me know what I can do to help, okay? Anything. I'll do anything for you." You finally turned back to her and smiled. You held out your hand and she took it. You kissed the back of her hand and touched her ring. 

"I love you,"

"I love you, Y/N."

-

"It's nothing about you, by the way," you said in bed. "You're perfect." She was blaming herself. She always did. "You did nothing wrong, Ems, it's just me. You've been completely wonderful, darling." Emily smiled, she'd been reassured. "I'm so glad I have you." She kissed you and rolled over, so she was fully facing you. She put her arm over your waist and you tensed up. You didn't want to deny her again, like you had in the morning, but she picked up on your shift in mood. Emily hummed a sigh as she settled down, her arm draped over you still. You kissed the crown of her head. She smiled and you felt her cheek against your chest. 

"Hmm," she murmured, "I'm the dominant one but I really love being held by you, baby,"

"Good thing, 'cause I love holding you." Emily smiled and turned her head just slightly to kiss your chest beside her head. Her breathing evened after a couple silent minutes, and just when you were sure she was sleeping, Maia began to cry. Emily started to get up. "Nope, let me get 'er, I got it, love." You got out of bed and she whined at the lack of contact. You smiled and kissed her head before going to get your daughter. 

Spencer saw you get up and thought Emily had sent you, out of character for her, so he started to get up as well. "No, Spence, I got it. Go to bed." He followed you into Maia's room. "Really, it's okay, let me get her." He stayed just inside the doorway as you picked up Maia. You changed her diaper and got her to fall asleep. Spencer smiled, dark circles under his eyes. "At least she'll sleep for a while, hopefully." Maia had been sleeping for longer stretches, meaning you all got longer consecutive sleep. You especially noticed a huge difference in Emily, she looked a lot healthier than she did those first few months. 

You crawled back in bed and Emily pulled you as close as she could get you. "Thank you," she mumbled. "I'm so tired,"

"Yeah?" She nodded against you. Her fingers traced over your stomach. You grabbed her hand and kissed it before interlacing your fingers and leaving that on you instead.

"Sorry,"

"No, love, you're okay. Shh, go to sleep, love..."

When you got up, Spencer was feeding Maia breakfast, you could hear him talking to her. She was babbling away and giggling. That little girl. Everything about your daughter made the world brighter. You felt Emily's finger drawing on your belly again, and she felt you shift when you woke up. Not in response to anything she did, just what happened when you woke up and tried to take in your surroundings.

"Morning, sweetheart,"

"Hi." You rubbed her back. Her head was on your chest again. It felt so sweet to have this beautiful woman in your arms. "Spence feeding Maia?"

"Mm-hmm. How are you this morning, love?"

"Mm. You?"

"Perfect. I have you." Emily put a smile on your face and loved to do it. She rubbed your belly and the smile faded. "Love? What happened?"

"No, I'm good, Em,"

"You've stopped me touching your stomach every time. You used to love when I did that. If you don't like it, I'll stop, but can I ask why?" She was so gentle with you. "Is it about me, or something I did?" You shake your head no. "Is it about something that happened to you?" No. "Is it about your body?" No response, which in and of itself is an answer. "Darling...everything about your body that changes from pregnancy is normal. Yeah? And listen to that." 

Emily went silent, and you heard Spencer talking to Maia, who was laughing and babbling like always. "Maia Prentiss, you silly girl!" he must have tickled her, because she was giggling like crazy. Spencer made nonsensical sounds to amuse her, and a smile overtook you.

"That's our daughter. You made her. My sweet girl, every single thing about your body is wonderful and perfect and exactly as you should be. You made a whole little person, and your body is perfect. You're fucking beautiful, absolutely beautiful, you hear me?" Your arms tighten around your wife. "It's okay, love, cry all you want. I'm always here for you. And I'm never gonna stop telling you how amazing you are, sweet girl."