reminiscence

Sixty Six

"Niall?" I knocked on the door even though it was my room as well I could have just walked in.

There was no response so I knocked again a bit louder. This occurrence was becoming common. It was either Niall or I running away to hide because of something Desi said. Something needed to be done about it. I didn't understand where she was coming from. It was now of her business. She didn't know all of mine and Niall's past. And she shouldn't have jumped down his throat like that while playing a fun game.

"Bella I don't want to talk to you right now" I head his voice from the other side of the door braking me from my thought.

I opened the door to see him laying on the bed curled up on his side. He already changed into sweatpants for the night. His chest bare from his sweatshirt he was wearing earlier.

"You don't have to. Just listen?" I said before sitting on the end of the bed my back facing him "I want to apologize for Desi. She is drunk. Please don't listen to her. She won't even remember what she said to you in the morning. She always gets to drunk and just goes off. She had no filter after two shots"

"I don't care about Desi. She said the truth" he grumbled "I'm just going to lead you on more"

"Quit that! No she didn't Niall." I sighed

I heard the bed shuffle as he sat up so he was sitting right next to me. His eyes now red from tears. I knew he was crying. The thought breaking my heart. He shouldn't be crying over me.

"Niall.." his teary eyes bringing tears to mine "what makes you think you're not good enough for me? ....In reality it's the other way around" I let my voice trail off

"It's not" he sighed frustrated with himself as he pulled at his hair "I've hurt you before. I know you'll never admit it but I hurt you just as much as Hudson has"

"Hey!" I called grabbing his forearm so he would look at me. "Don't you ever compare yourself to him. He's not a good person. He physically hurt me, laid his hands on me for his own enjoyment. You would never do that. And have never. Why would you think that way?"

I was drunk I could feel it. But my brain was now clouded with the words he was saying. I couldn't wrap my brain around why he was comparing himself to such a horrible person.

"But if I never left you in the first place that wouldn't have happened. If I would have just continued talking to you instead of deciding you were better off without me you could have been with me all this time"

His hand was now in my thigh again. His hand shaking from being upset. This time his actions wasn't a teasing motion it was comforting. I reached up and cupped his cheeks in my hands. Feeling the most comfortable we ever have been this close to one another.

"Then why are you trying to leave me again when I really need you?" I breathed out looking into his eyes a tear slipping from mine

His mouth fell open as he was caught off guard. Searching for the words to say that were lost deep in his eyes. The thumb stroking on my thigh stopped. He was frozen in confusion .

"Bells.. we both are drunk I think we should talk about this in the morning"

"Ok" I stroked his cheek before pulling away to stand up and get ready for bed "if that's what you want"

I walked over to my dresser searching for something to sleep in but everything was dirty as I didn't pack enough.

"Here" Niall said tossing me a shirt and boxer. "I packed extra for you"

Of course he did. I sent him a soft smile at the gesture knowing he was angry at me at the beginning of the trip but he still thought about the small things. I loved him for that.