reminiscence

Thirty-Three

"You've got to be joking!" Niall laughed.

It was Saturday night and we were doing one of our favorite activities, movie night. A Netflix movie playing on the screen but it was being ignored.

"You don't think so?"

"Absolutely fucking not. Pineapple does not belong on pizza Bella. I can't believe I call you my friend"

We were arguing over what pizza flavor to order for the evening.

I laughed grabbing a throw pillow from behind me and using it for its intended purpose. Hitting Niall square in the  face. "Whatever. I guess you just have a boring palette then"

He scoffed picking up his phone before walking away to order the pizza.
I smiled sinking back into the couch. The past few weeks with Niall have been amazing. You would never now anything happened between us. It felt like we were teens again. Sitting on his moms couch, eating pizza and watching a movie. Just like old times.

Niall returned to the room with two beers in his hand "Pizza will be here in 20 minutes"

"Good I'm starving" I groaned grabbing the beer from his hand as he offered it to me. Niall sat down on the couch. Moving one of his guitars leaned up against the couch to his lap.

"You treat that thing like it's your baby"

"Well it is Bella, with out this I can't make music"  he  strummed his guitar playing a few cords before deciding it was out of tune. He then pulled out his phone quickly typing away.

"I don't know how you do that"

"Tune a guitar ?" He questioned retuning it

"No silly, I mean write music." I giggled

"Not that good at it to be honest"
Being over dramatic,I gasped. He laughed before showing me his notes on his phone.

"Look at all these" he scrolled through his phone showing me millions of voice notes "There all failed songs. Lately I haven't been able to write for shit"

"Something will come to ya" I kicked my feet up on the coffee table a I took a sip of my beer "You'll have you're next hit in no time"

"Thanks Bella" he smiled as the door bell rang alerting us the pizza is here.

"I'll get it" he said getting up to answer the door.

He returned seconds later with a pizza box in his hand. "Get your dirty feet of the table" he joked pushing my feet down to the floor.

"I was having a nice relaxing moment before you returned"

"Alright then I guess I'll just take this.." he stared walking towards the door with the pizza.

"Get your Irish arse back here" I glared out of hunger

He laughed his joyous laugh as he returned setting the pizza down on the coffee table opening it up to reveal Hawaiian pizza. I immediately started laughing as well.

"I thought you said you didn't like pineapple on pizza" I said as I picked up a slice. Not waiting to devour it.
"It's a disgrace but you like it so I ordered it" He plopped back down next to me.

I smiled felling a blush creep to my cheeks. Niall grabbed a slice before picking of small pineapple chunks. Chucking them back into the box

"No way you can't do that" I laughed covered my full mouth "You have to take one bite at least"

He picked up the piece taking the smallest bite before grimacing.
"Happy"

"You still don't like it"  I snorted from laughing

"Fucking disgusting" he continued picking the pineapple pieces off like a toddler. Making me laugh louder

"You don't know what your missing" I said shoving another bite in my mouth
He grimaced even more watching me take a bite. I smiled reaching for my beer to wash it down. He turned his attention to the tv. Shutting off the movie neither of us where watching. He turned on golf. At this moment I knew I completely lost him.

We finished eating our supper. Only a few pieces left in the box. Niall's full attention on the tv. Two older men talking about golf. I was not interested so I turned to my phone. Scrolling through social media.

A picture came on my screen that immediately brought tears to my eyes. It was of me and Hudson, four years ago. A standard couple picture of us kissing.

Then I thought I was happy. Looking back it was just the start. I looked at my face noticing how thin it looked. Noticing a few bruises on my arm.

In the beginning I took his over protectiveness as sweetness. I just thought he cared about me. But looking back he didn't.

A few years into our relationship he always wanted to know where I was going. Or where I've been. The physical abuse didn't start until he started drinking.

A whimper escaped my mouth as I tried to hold my cry. But it was getting hard to breathe. I stared at my phone as I couldn't bring myself to scroll past the picture.

Niall glanced over at me noticing my mood shift. He shut the TV off and scouted closer to me.

"Bella?" His voice soft as he placed a hand on my knee to get my attention.
I looked up at him through my teary eyes. "It's nothing" I wiped a tear from my eye as Niall shifted to look at my phone. He took the phone from my hand.

"It's not nothing" he sighed messing around with my phone before sitting it on the coffee table. "There I deleted it"

"You what!" I shouted reaching for my phone to see that he did in fact delete the picture. "You can't do that. That was the only picture we ever took together. Now it's gone" at this point my tears were running down my face. I fumbled around with my phone frustrated. Trying to get the picture back. "Please get it back" I cried know punching him in the chest with my phone in one hand.

"Bella, calm down" he was now closer to me grabbing my hands in his. He took the phone out of my hands again throwing it far away from me so I couldn't reach  it. "You don't need a picture that reminds you of terrible things. Starring at that is not going to help you heal"

He held my wrist in his hand. Holding them to his chest. I felt myself uncontrollably shaking under his grasp. "I don't know how to heal Niall. I'll always be broken. He took a piece of me that I can never get back"

I froze. As if I just let out something I've been holding in. The pressure building and building and now exploding.

Niall started at me for a few seconds. I could tell he didn't know what to say. Trying to come up with words to comfort me but at the moment he couldn't.

"Do you miss him?" He whispered as he was to close to me to be any louder.
"The man that broke me, that hurt me everyday, that said he loved me but put me down to make himself feel better" I sighed taking a deep breath
"But do you miss him?" He asked again
"Yes I do"  I whispered slightly calming down.

I didn't understand why I missed him. Why anyone could possibly miss the man that abused them everyday. It was the strangest feeling I have ever felt and I couldn't wrap my head around it.

Niall shifted on the couch, dropping my wrists before turning the tv back on to our movie. He wrapped his arm around me letting me curl into his side.

"It's ok to cry in front of me you know"  he placed a kiss to the top of my head. "You don't need to go through all this alone, I'm here for you"

We both turned our attention back to the movie. Spending  the rest of our evening cuddled up on the couch.