reminiscence

Seventy-Seven

I'm not going to lie I feel terrible for screaming at Niall last night. Luckily his mother was gone on a trip or she would have woken up in fear from my raised voice.

I wouldn't say I regret anything I said last night because I still feel strongly about my decision to not move in. But to face Niall wasn't something I was looking forward too.

Once again he took the couch and I slept in his childhood bedroom. But of course I didn't get much sleep. My mind was racing all night. My head full of worries I know I shouldn't even be thinking about.

What if Niall breaks up with me over how dumb I acted?.....

What if he never speaks to me again?...

Come on Bella just make the man happy and move in with him. What's to lose?

Niall is not Hudson

History will not repeat its self

You have healed...

Well that one might be a lie

The mental breakdown I had last night proved that. I thought I was recovering, doing well but it was one of the worst breakdowns I've had in awhile.

I grabbed the pillow from next to me and brought it to my face.

The mixed smell of Nialls shampoo and cologne filled my nose

"Fuck" I screamed into the pillow the smell brining me back to last night before our fight.

The felling that I had kissing him was something Hudson never gave me.

The feeling of my feet being lifted off the ground, my stomach twisting into knots at his tender touches. ...

Freedom

It gave me the feeling of freedom. The feeling I have always been craving in a relationship.

If I move in with Niall I can't promise that feeling will go away and I will regress. I can't promise I wouldn't start to rely on him for everything. That's what's scares me the most. I was finally my own women and didn't need a man to take care of me.

Knock knock

"Bells? You awake?" Niall asked from the opposite side of the door

"Yeah come in" I sighed sitting up and adjusting my bed head

Niall opened the door only wearing his track pants from last night. As I wouldn't let him in to change.

My stomach immediately flipped at the sight of him. I shouldn't have been just thinking about the feeling he gives me

"Uh Conner needs us down at The Mist, he says it's important" he said not moving from the door way. He looked very nervous with his hand ruffling in his hair.

Why was he so nervous?

"Ok give me a minute to get ready " I mumbled pulling my knees to my chest and keeping my head low, avoiding eye contact for as long as I could.

"Take your time. Do you mind if I come in and get some clothes to wear? Don't think Desi would be to happy with me showing up in the same bottoms as yesterday" he tried to joke but I didn't laugh