reminiscence

Seventy-Four

It's been a few hours since we arrived at Desi's. Now Desi was resting in her bedroom. Connor and Niall have started cleaning all the empty liquor bottles around her apartment quietly not to wake her up.

But Niall spent most of his time checking in on me. He was more worried about me it was sweet but a little over protective. He had me sitting on the couch wrapped in a blanket and wouldn't let me lift a finger to help out. I didn't want to tell him I was already sweating and feeling suffocated.

"Aidan?" I asked as he stood in the kitchen emptying the cupboards of alcohol

"Yeah Bella?"

"Did you now about Desi's past before today?"

Connor and Aidan talked some about her past. Of course not telling him more then Desi would want him to know. Just what he had to in the situation.

"No I didn't. I knew some of her story with foster care but she never told me her struggles with drugs and alcohol. But I've should have seen the signs of her relapsing."

"I didn't see then either and I knew her struggles and the signs to look for. I ignored them. " I sighed

"Bella," he walked into the living room sitting down next to me on the couch "don't beat yourself up for that. I know how you feel but you did everything you could. She's still here with us because of you."

"Thanks Aidan but I just wish I could have helped earlier"

"You know she says that about you too" he admitted

"What?" I turned to him in shock

"Yeah when she told me what you went through with Hudson. ...I hope you don't mind." He stuttered but ofcourse I didn't mind "she always says she wished she saw it sooner. She beats herself up just like you are doing right now"

How could she? She was there for me. I don't understand how she could think that way. I relied on her for so much. She was the one who helped me the most with my job at the worst point of my life.

I guess we were both very similar in some ways. That's why we're best friends.

"She shouldn't feel that way. She was the first person I turned too when I was at my lowest"

"Exactly I know that's how you feel about it and I'm sure Desi feels the same way about you being there for her. So don't sweat it hun"

"Thank you Aidan. You're really good for her you know that. I know why you two are so in love, you're  exactly like her" I smiled patting his knee making us both laugh

Someone clearing there throat making us direct or attention to the hallway seeing Connor standing with a groggy Desi.

"Desi" I rushed over to her but stoped right in front of her not wanting to overwhelm her. She had dark circles around her eyes showing the pain she's been in.

"You're awake" I whispered

The boys stepping back and letting us talk

"Yeah" her voice scratched bringing tears to my eyes. She must be hurting so much.

"I'm so sorry Desi"

As soon as I said it she burst into tears wrapping me in a hug.

"No I'm sorry. Thank you so much." She sobbed "I'm so stupid what the hell was I thinking"

"No don't ever say that. You are not stupid. I know you're scared about moving and starting my over. I'm scared too. I've never left this town let alone moved to the big city. But we are going to do this together. Without you I sure as hell can't do it"